The Hellgate Lance (Missoula, Montana) 1964-current, March 10, 1982, Image 5

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. .......................................... -edltorials ............ ; ........ ·.w.ed•n•eu_.av•·•M•a•rc•h•1•0•,•1•98•2_.~_.._.-s~ ' ~ Students should learn how to park by Julie Burk Assistant Editorial Editor For years Hellgate has had a problem that the other high • schools have not had: a lack of parking space . Because of this, students park wherever they - want. This practice has led to a new policy in which the city of Missoula has granted MCHS ad- ministration to issue tickets to students violating parking rules in the area directly around the school. Although some argue that parking violations are inevitable because of the parking situation, ticketing students is still a good idea, provided that the admin- istration acts reasonably . Some students have developed the attitude that they can park wherever they want no matter if it's legal or illegal. This has led to the inconsiderate practice of parking in ' front of people 's side- walks and driveways . Tlie rudest, however, is park- ing in the handicapped spaces. These spaces are put there for a reason . Able-bodied persons who park there should at least have the foresight to realize the con- New fountains have old problem By John Engen Managing Editor In the past , drinking fountains in Hellgate ' s main building that are in working order have been difficult to find . Extremely large lips were required to suck any water from the decrepit fixtures . New drinking fountains have now been installed. They pump a steady stream of cool water . One problem exists with the new fountains that was also common in the old fountains. Large coagulations of tired Co- penhagen, Skoal, and Happy Days Mint have found their way into the basins of the fountains. This is not an uncommon phe- nomenon , but it is a disgusting one. Picture this: A ragged individ- ual, who has spent several days in the desert with no water, somehow stumbles into Hellgate in search of a drink. The individ- ual crawls to a fountain and stoops over it, only to get a nose full of \real tobacco pleasure .\ He didn ' t light up , he threw up. A self respecting tobacco chewer will swallow the juices, or at least spit in the garbage can or toilet. But it seems we have a substantial number of In at chewers who have no regard for nonchewers . School policy states that no one may use chewing tobacco on school property. Perhaps the sloppy chewers have given all chewers a bad name. Those who dump their tired snuff in drinking fountains give chewers a bad name, disgust those who simply want a drink of water , and give the custodians a pain in the derriere. If you see someone spit their snuff in the drinking fountains, you should rub their nose in it. They do it to puppies that aren't housebroken . 2 hamburgers w/fries medium Pepsi $1.00 sequences of their laziness . Another grievance is the way in which people park in Hell- gate ' s lot. Some dull-witted stu- dents have decided that it's \neat\ to park sideways, thus wasting valuable parking space . In addition when people do decide to park in the designated spaces, they take up more than one space . This habit is very an- noying. If people parked cor- rectly , there would undoubtedly be a few extra spaces available . In order for parking violators to realize what they ' re doing , the administration SHOULD fine them . Maybe after a few fines , people will take parking seri- ously and become responsible. LIFE lrt THE FdT UrtE Life is plagued with problems .._.,._ ________ iohn engen I'll get right to the point. I don't have a review for you this issue . That means I have to fill this space with original humor . Not an easy task , but I enjoy challenges . My size has caused me numer- ous problems , and I want you to . know what they are . I was , contrary to· popular opinion, born . This was not a problem for me, but it was for my mother. I weighed 11 pounds . That's a heavy duty baby . The problem with being born is that all babies must have names. My dad wanted to name me Felix . Felix is not a good name for a baby. Fortunately , a compromise was reached, . and I was named John . I'm happy that I wasn't named Albert . I can hear the kid's saying \ Hey, hey , hey , it's Fat Albert\ . Not a pleasant thought. The next problem I encoun- tered in my life was and is pur- chasing underwear. I guess my tush was not designed for Jockey shorts . Most of the underwear I have owned have been built with a special elastic . I call them \a mbush underwear \. They have a tendency to creep up on me . My major difficulties in life have always been trivial things that don 't seem to affect anyone else . When I first entered the doors of this school I encoun- tered a difficulty that plagues me to this day . I cannot walk up stairs without suffering heart failure of some sort. There are about 3 million stairs in this building , and each one is an- other nail in my coffin . Sad , isn't it? I lost my waist in 1972 . I don ' t know what happened to it, I just woke up one day and it was gone . I now rent one from LeR- oy 's Waist Emporium . I realize that the enjoyable aspects of my life far outweigh (so to speak) my problems . But I feel much better getting things off my chest , which, by the way , is another of my problems . Catch that Pepsi spirit Drink it in! ~------~--------~ Pepsi Cola Bottling Co. OPEN NOW WITH NEW OWNERS

The Hellgate Lance (Missoula, Montana), 10 March 1982, located at <http://montananewspapers.org/lccn/TheHellgateLance/1982-03-10/ed-1/seq-5/>, image provided by MONTANA NEWSPAPERS, Montana Historical Society, Helena, Montana.