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X 4 THRU A KEYHOLE EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!! KISSES FOR SALE at the Elizabeth Patterson Osculatory School xx Old fashioned kisses-5 seconds. Modern kisses-5 minutes and variations thereof. xx Stipulate kind and flavor of lipstick. xx Discriminating rates after first trial. Establishment not re- sponsible for damage suits. Listen and you shall hear Of the exploits of H;ofmeister. Of Art he could tell, And in Music he's swell. Remains there more of which I should tell? Well then, just ask Hofmeister. Speaking of silver-tongued orat- ors, should we mention that Clyde Carrington has had a singular suc- cess with the faculty? Chiselers may come, and chisel- ers may go, but G. MacDonald goes on forever. Bang! Bang! Where is Evelyn Rogney? Who would associate Higgenboth- am with the \hoochey koochey?\ Far be it from us to make any such assertion. \Roses are Red Violets are Blue Sugar's sweet Do you Swim?\ Coming . . NOURSE 3-RING CIRCUS Animals, Freaks, Clowns X .3C Every Monday and Thursday at 4 P. M. 24 3C ADMISSION 10c X 3C RHYTHM CLASS WANT ADS SOCKS DARNED-5 cents a pair. Buttons replaced, 4-4-10 cents. Ballet dancing in spare time. Marie Borberg. LOST—One girlish figure. Ample reward. Dorothy McDonald. WANTED—One second hand mar- riage license. Must have been issued not earlier than 1890. Would prefer to have one that is printed on lavender paper. Carl Shogren. WANTED—one HE- MAN. Must have strength, spirit, and will- power. Experience not required. Stella Price. (We suggest Mathias Schaff.) Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Court Is In Session COURT SUMMONS (That is to say, Carpet Proceedings) The following are hereby noti- fied that they are to appear before the Judge of the Supreme Court of E. M. N. S. (that is to say, Dr. Mc- Mullen), on or before midnight, April 28, in the year of our Lord, 1934. Case No. I. Mr. Foote for petty larceny. (He is accused of stealing the cold Jo Strawn petted all win- ter.) Case No. II. Miss Meek for being a suitcase teacher. Case No. III. Abbott versus Wm. Dell and Chas. Murchie for failing to cooperate with the N. R. A. code, in overworking two phrases of speech—respectively, \So to speak\ and \By and large.\ Case No. IV. Ridgely for not practicing what he preaches. (We understand that he has been tardy lately.) Case No. V. Ardith Palmerlee for being morose and sullen. Case No. VI. Marie Borberg for pronouncing \Dewey\— \Doowey.\ Case No. VII. Jean Wilkins for manicuring her finger nails in con- ference class. Case No. VIII. Bill Becklen for wearing a Gossard. Case No. IX. Sturdevant for let- ting Martha Sekulich copy his Eu- ropean Drama outline. Case No. X. De Lorman Burke for not trying out for the spring play. Case No. XI. Price Rigby for snubbing the girls. (We wonder why he does it.) Case No. XII. Juanita Davis for applauding Senator McClain's little dances in rhythm class. Case No. XIII. Miss Stevenson parking her car in the safety zone so it would be \safe.\ Case No. XIV. Donna Pefley for leaving the table immediately after the last luncheon. Donna has been taken up as a suspicious character. You see, she left the table with Mr. Dean and is suspected to have gone out for her after-dinner smoke. This and That Olive Lindland (puff, puff and puff): \Why do I like to dance with senior boys?\ Eleanor Nelson wonders what she will do when they have a grass shortage in the south seas. Chuck Nelson, connoiseur of corks. Alice Rose, plutocrat, seeks heart balm from Dr. McMullen. Dulane Fulton once said, \While I sit out a rest I wish that some one would watch George.\ Equilla Sutherland is forced to sell cheap—going out of business ALL of the boys of the Normal School. Miss Vacuum Janke wishes to assert publicly that she is not boy crazy. Speaking of Elysian maidens, I wonder where Jean Wilkins is? Meek Becomes Meek After Meeting Truck On the way to Helena the other day Miss Meek collided with a truck, due to her own carelessness. She of course immediately apolo- gized, saying, \Well all I can say is I'm sorry.\ \Oh is that all you can say?\ politely inquired the truck driver. \Why yes.\ \Well then listen to me!\ X Lessens in CROSS - COUNTRY HIKING SEE JANE LaMUNYON x x Miss LaMunyon advises wearing shorts. Why? You MUST get that tan before the season, and too, you can see better to pick off the wood-ticks. \I'll take you for a ride,\ says Gunnard Johnson. The person who stole Oren Mc- Kee's girl at the Hard Luck Party, is known. If he will return her without further intervention, a war between Sweden and Ireland might easily be averted. \Everything that I know I owe to the faculty. Did you ever see me skip a grade,\ says Loucks. ADAM RESPONDS TO DEAN Teacher: We should never be discouraged too easily. Look at Napoleon. He would stop for no obstacle; he refused to be turned aside by anything, but kept on re- lentlessly to his destination. What do you think he became? Pupil (hopefully): A truck driver? Look For Them (Continued from Page 1) instead of the end of the nose or the point of the chin? Perhaps Bill Sturdevant has made the greatest achievement. He has developed one of those lovely, mousy effects that fairly makes your mouth twitch. And Walter Gilbert! Have you seen his! It is a jewel! Lessons In Elocution Special Work in Bodily Activity and Voice Control $1 AN HOUR x x MR. SHUNK CAROL ROSE AND MARGARET DARNELL Incorporated X X Advice to lovelorn, debutantee, et cetera. Special rates on Car- ol's PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE and Margaret's TRIAL AND ERROR METHOD. Office Hours—Women, 1 p. m. to 5 p. m. Men after library closes. Reservat ons may be secured through publicity agent, Don Foote. In memoriam of the faithful service of those willing souls who will be honorably (oh yeah) discharged from our campus after the students' scrutinizing perusal of this muck-raking edi- tion of the E. M. N. S. Blah Sheet. The staff has unani- mously decided to hang together lest they be parted and hang separately until they have eeked out their last blah. BOYS! BOYS! If you would cap- ture Bernice Anderson put one of those new horns on your car. You know—one of those with sex ap- peal. x All Ye Future Tennis Sharks . . . apply to JEANNE BARNES Lessons in the masterful art of using efficiently any offhand backhand stroke. (Note) recom- mendation by secret trio—the above - mentioned successfully baffled her adversary by clever- ly returning three successive backhands. (Who blew that razzberry?) DU TELL Dudley Dean takes after his fath- er . . . runs around at night. SPACE FOR AUTOGRAPHS I only write my name below Because you asked me to; and so, When later on my scrawl you see, Don't murmur, \Who in heck was he?\