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Page 4 — BIG TIMBER (MT) PIONEER — Week of Dec. 26 , 2003 - Jan. 1, 2004 As you take time to reflect on your actions the past year, console yourself with the Darwin Awards J u s t F o r F u n THE BIG TIMBER P I O N E E R Publisher: Dale C. Oberly Editor: Reticcca B. Oberly Reporter: Cindy Pitts Typesetting: Sandra Derosky Columnist: Ellic Ursino Cartoonist: Helen Clark T h e s e folks w in th e p r ize Number One Idiot of 2003 I am a medical student current ly doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daugh ter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants arc not harmful and there would be no need to bnng her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the comcrsalion happened to mention that she gave her daugh ter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bnng her daughter into the Emergency room right away. Number Two Idiot of 2003 Early this year some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. The! y were successful in get ting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the nver, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that acti vated when the raft was inflated. They arc no longer employed at Boeing. Number Three Idiot of 2003 A man, wanting to rob a down town Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote \this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.\ While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him wntc the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read u and. sur mising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, and that he would cither have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, \OK\, and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Number Four Idiot of 2003 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of hand cuffs. He immediate!) mailed in his $40. Number Five Idiot of 2003 A guy walked into a lt«lc cor ner store w i t h a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. Alter the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch '.hat he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said. \Because I don't believe you are cner21.\ The robber said he was. but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his dri ver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was, in fact, over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got tiff the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. Idiot Number Six of 2003 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers The first one shouted, \Nobody move!\ When his parlncr moved, the startled first bandit shot him. Idiot Number Seven of 2003 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store win dow. grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the win dow. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store win dow was made of Plcxi-Glass. Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote. Advertising: Rosalie t ticket Circulation. Sheila O'Connell Established in ¡887 OHJcial Newspaper o f Ihg Timber and Sweet Grass County, Montana Member: Montana Newspaper Association. Helena. MT CMPM* lilTM te T . HIT The Big Timber Pioneer (USPS0559-6000) is published every Friday by Pioneer Publishing Co.. Big Timber. MT. Periodicals postage paid at Big Timber. MT. POSTMASTER. Send address changes to Big Timber Pioneer, 105 W. Second Ave. P.O. Box 830 Big Timber. MT 590t I PHONE (406) 932-5298 FAX (406)932-4931 YEARLY SUBSCRIPTION PRICES: Sw e et G n a t Conner, Reed P o ter dr Springdale - $34 Montana - $42 U S A -$50 Inquire for Foreign, F int Clear ratea