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About Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.) 1898-1915 | View This Issue
Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.), 22 Sept. 1899, located at <http://montananewspapers.org/lccn/sn83025326/1899-09-22/ed-1/seq-2/>, image provided by MONTANA NEWSPAPERS, Montana Historical Society, Helena, Montana.
! t- § f - Th* y tm treat admits its purpose U to make it warm tof tea people by next winter a t lateat ' I t yon want to And oat all tee draw* backs of motor carriage* conault a veterinary surgeon. Automobile 1* aiidenlably a long wqrd, bat nobody ha* yet taggeited a* good a one to replace I t The honelee* milk wagon has made it* appearance. Cobles* milk ceased long ago to excite wonder. It 1* said teat nothing In tel* world was created In veto* but you can't get the lady who ha* tbe4i£arded mole on the end of her none to beRetaJt. The Shah of Persia, support* 800 Wive*. He Is troubled, tee dispatches ■ay, with hallucinations. Go ahead and make the application yourself. A Massachusetts Obluauian has gone Into bankruptcy. These moon-eyed folk always were quick to adopt the latest American Ideas for money-making. A Western man says he cured him self of Bright's disease by wearing a mother bubbard. Any man who will get cured lu that way ought to be watched. 1 Shakspearc gave It as his opinion that there was nothing In a name, but they didn't estimate the population of his towu by the number of names lu the directory. Truth Is mighty and will prevail. Every little while somebody who has Just returued from the Klondike con fesses that he would like to borrow tee price of a meal. Brasil will send *50,000 worth of snakes to the 1’urls exposition. When this becomes known people who can’t afford to go will be lucllued to put off their disappointment. If salt revives drowned animal life, os an Englishman thinks he has dis covered, the man who falls Into the oeeau ought to be eaelly restored, espe cially If he happens to be an old salt himself. It was German mechanical Ingenuity that hoisted the Paris off the rocks. It Was an engineering feat that hud been declared Impossible by many experts. The kfilser Is entitled to have the Im perial band play, \Ob 1 Don't Know; Were Not So Slow.” A man performed a heroic act, sav ing a child's life at the Imminent risk of losing his owu, Then, while the pop ulace thronged shout him, lo applaud and reward him, he turned pale and fled In abject terror at tbe sight ol flilullcu- mant The memory of some past mis demeanor and the fear that It had been discovered and would be visited upon him, made a moral coward of a phys ical hero. Yet the indident no&e the less showed that even a guilty life may be capable of good and noble deeds. 1 Our railroads are lu much better physical condition than they were ten years ago, and this fact counts in great measure for the decreased casualties to passengers, but It Is still fearfully large. We brag of the superiority of our railroad servics to that of Europe, but there Is one thing lo which the European railroads surpass ours very far—the better protection of their pas sengers. They carry a great many more passengers and kill and Injure a great many less. In the oldest end greatest of our uni versities tee expenses of the work done ore not by any means met by tee fees received from students, although these are large in comparison with the charges of other Institutions of like na ture. It la tee constant flow of gifts from men who appreciate the value to tbe country of the work done by great universities which keeps them strong and progressive and enables them to give teelr students such advantages as are expected and enjoyed. The youth yon takes a coarse at any good Amer ican college or university makes a sad mistake if be imagines teat he pays his way and Incurs no obligation to tbs In- ntltntion which has given him Its op portunities for self-culture and useful ness. Be Is a debtor to generous and food mss and women. Jiving and dead. In tee United Elates Senate one man on ante aide, a Democrat and a Re- pebtlcan, la selected by his party asso ciates to arrange the pairs. Whenever the ME is to be called on any party question, the abeent Democrats are paired against the abeent Republicans, and In case more of one party than of tee eteer happen to he out of the cham ber, enough of those who am present reftsia teem voting to til out tee neces- aary psdrm. Senator Pasco, of Florida, ban e f late years represented tee Dem eerete In teens arrangement*. He hts ■m efflen bad t o p r i r himself to make tedags corns oat tight teat it need to be snid tenths never cast e direct rote. ’t b t r i t e * * when Mi .M pn *■* f e f lr lt\ nun In nej \lie. lUnM I nan pithed v M ten Sen- ; H ho w ert prencm h e * 1 r«M iis t s a r t s (te e i U t S svJorihW a ieni t f e t e r e t e a * i * a t o b iric t o to t te to m n te t P tf “Commonwealth of Australia” war*% -moved, - f t e oonrilfctiw ofWTWpCf consolidated gorenuuoat In the pine# of sevep individual British colonies, which had no other common bond than that of dependence upon the mother country, is an event of great Impor tance. Division preceded union. \New South Wales was the parent colony. Tasmania was separated from It in 1825, Victoria In 1851 and Queensland In 1850. South Australia, West Austra lia end New Zealand were colonised independently. As long ago as 1888 a \federal council\ was constituted to consider matters of common Interest to the colonies. It bad less power than was possessed by the Congress of the United States under the old Articles of Confederation, and proved to be a use less body. A conference In 1880 Jled to a federal convention in 1891, by which a constitution for the Commonwealth of Australia was drafted. The general' plan was acceptable to the colonies, but objections to details on the part of more than one of the colonies prevent ed its adoption. A new effort toward union wasmjade In 1895, which result ed In the caFltug of another convention which held four long sessions In 1897 .and 1898. The revised constitution sub mitted to the votes of the colonies in May, 1898, was adopted by three colo nies, but failed because New South Wales, the most Important of them allj rejected It. A conference of pre miers was held at Melbourne laBt Jan uary, certain modifications demanded by New South Wales were made, and the constitution again submitted to the colonies. II has now been agreed to by a sufficient number of them to make federation certain. * 6 - Some one has unearthed a book prlnt- llln London In 1705, In whleh la given an entertaining account of life In old Irglnla during early colonial days, hen tobacco was tee standard curren cy! and 18,000 pounds of the weed was tbe\sslary of a clergyman, with a fee of 408 pounds for a funeral sermon and 200 pounds for solemnising a marriage. The writer evidently cherished some pet prejudice* In religious matters, for he puts It on record that In the counties where the Presbyterians held meetings the tobacco was so mean that no preacher would stay there. The agitation for spelling reform re curs with Its usual promptitude. It Is a mild form of disease among ab normally ambitious educators. The peculiarities of the English language, aud its strength us well, cannot, says the Chicago Chronicle, ho separated from Its orthography. Educational faddists, In tbelr baste to develop a royal road to learnlug, Insist that much of the time necessary to master the spelling of the English language Is wasted. They present testimony from the buslines man that his typewriter wastes time lu clicking off seven letters In “through\ where It might be spelled with four. The utilitarianism of their contention might recommend it to the buBtllng age In which we live were It not for the fact that confusion never tends to progress. As soon as we adopt Mark Twain's idea that a man should be ullowed to \spell according to tbe dictates of bis owu conscience\ we have sacrificed much that must be re tained in the English language If it Is to continue Its acknowledged suprem acy as a growing aud overmastering medium for the communication of thought. There la hardly a nation of Importance to day where the English language Is not read, spoken and writ ten. It may one day be tbe language of tbe world. Its strength Is largely due to the fact that It Is not a dialect language. But with the Introduction of the su-ealled reforms lu spelling, from numberless different sources, we should lmve a written language that would necessarily be local In Its Inter pretation. Educational centers like Chicago, Boston and San Francisco would vie with each other In the In novations Introduced) each Betting up Its owu standard. 'The result would only he confusion. There Is a constant growth In live organisms, but the most grand and enduring grow slowly. Rad ical reductions rarely secure lasting re sults. 'The orthography of the English language has changed perceptibly In the last score of years. It Is changing gradually now, but no sweeping chanfre Is possible under existing condition#.’ It Is Impossible to reprint the world’s scientific and historical literature In the reformed vernacular. It would be ma terially modified In Its force to the de votees of the spelling reform without such change. There Is an apparent reason for the business man to ab breviate bis words in correspondence— the saving of time. But for the edu cator of the child who recoguizes the fact that mental growth Is directly proportional to mental effort what does this saving In time Indicate? Time for other studies perhaps. Time to study some dead language or take up some so-called higher branches. That re forms 111 school work are needed la felt by all who have given the matter thought. That the pressing demand la for changes In spelling is extremely doubtful. Tbe educational tree Is top- heavy and needs pruning, but It Is nol the part of wisdom to go hacking away at the roots. HE words echoed Idly In Brunton's mind. Softly the thrill of the dis tant music rose and fell upon the K still air. Then an affected l a u g h stuug his ear, and B r u n t o u turned afresh toward soli tude. To-morrow b e would leave England to Join bis regi ment, and few seemed to know or tare. For the first time he felt constrained to mourn the lack of a near relative to fuss and weep over his departure. Ills comlug to Mrs. Derrick's “at home'-' had been a mistake, too. Taking out a cigar be lit a match, which a sportive zephyr playfully ex tinguished. Among the shadows hid a rustic arbor, and stepping Inside the shelter of Its doorway he struck a fresh gleam. Flaring up brightly It revealed, huddled up close to the back wall of the arbor, a shrinking, girlish form, “Oh, please, please, dou't tell any body. I only came out here to get away from tbe people.” \Did you? Well, 1 say that should be a bond of union between us, for so did I.\ \Aud you won't tell anybody about my coming out here. It would seem so rude to Mrs. Derrick, you know.” \Not a soul, honor bright. But sure ly you didn't leave the house to crouch up here lu Ihe dark?” \Oh no. It was lovely among the “BKBIDK T1IK 01,0 FOUNTAIN SVI.VIA.\ BE A SAN DOW, Fingers Placed la Thin Position Can not Readily Be Palled Apart. There is one position In which even the weakest person may 'successfully | defy the efforts of a Hercules. If the tips of the two Index fingers be pressed tightly together as shown in the cut no man, uo matter how strong, will be able to pull them apart, provided the stars aud flowers aud things; and tliep 1 heard some one coming mid ran In here (ill he should go past, .aud you caught me.” ‘‘Won't you come out and walk again?” lie was longing to see her. The .-darkness of the Bummer house was tantalizing Sud chivalry rebelled at the rudeness of striking another light. The starlight that revealed to Sylvia a soldierly form, with short-cropped daik hair and a quite perceptible mus tache, showed Bruntou a petite figure whose robe of white satin draped close ly from the odd lace that .outlined Its square-set bodice, a string of pearls rouud the slender neck the only orna ment. Before they had completely encircled the lawn Sylvia knew thut Brunton was a soldier; that to-morrow he would sail for India to Jolu his regiment. And ere they emerged from the long arch way of roses Bruutou knew.that this was Sylvia's first party; thatwke was an orphan and lived with her grand mamma. \And have you never been any where ?\ Tills pityingly, from the height of Ills experiences which were yet to come. \No never. We always go to Tor quay In winter, but that's nearly Just the same as being at borne. Do you know, I've never, never once been out of doors at night before.\ \Four little girl! I say”-struck by a sudden Idea—\your guardian will be some time over wblst, won’t she?” \Why yes; the game lias Just begun and they won't finish under a rubber,\ “Well, suppose I take you somewhere for a half-hour or so—to a theater or music hall? My cab Is waiting.” “Oh!” A gnsp of delight, followed by the Inevitable, \But would It not be wrong?” and, “I can't go dressed like this.\ \Oh nobody will know. Walt here for a moment while I run to the house and forage for wraps.\ leaving Sylvia la the safe seclusion high wall encircling her grandmother's grounds opened on a quiet side road. Thereafter tee star* witnessed a sol emn compact that, , teat .day three years at tee same hour, Sylvia would unlock the green door to give Brunton entrance. * * * * * * • Athwart the little green door the moonlight glinted softly, and Brunton, standing In near the shadow of an Hex, would willingly have dropped tee com ing hour out of his life. Sluce hi* return to England, g few days before, the memory of this ap proaching assignation had persistently occurred to him. As a man of honor he knew he dare not shirk IL And yet, how painful to be forced to see Sylvia, to look Into those Innocent, trustful eyes—aud confess how he had changed, aud to tell her boldly that their meet ing had proved but an Incident, of no moment In the ordering of Uls life. He must undeceive her as tenderly as possible, speak of Eleanor regret fully, at least not let Sylvia guess how entirely happy their union was, or that she, Sylvia, had long ceased to be aught but a pretty, sentimental remembrance to him. Even as he schooled, himself a dis tant clock struck the hour, and with the first faint chime came the stealthy sound of an opening lock. She was there! Gently turning the handle he passed through the green door and entered Lady Martingale’s garden. Beside the great stoue basin of the old fountain stood Sylvia. Her eyes met his In questioning ap peal, and for a moment a mad rush of pity, romance, affection, cull It what you will, overcame him, aud, spring ing forward, he caught her hands. “Sylvia!” \Yes.” \You had not forgotten?” ; «■* \No. And you?” v y ~ “1 am here.” After the greeting there fell a sense of constraint, which Bruutou realized was not all of his owu making. She was lovely, even more lovely than of yore—taller, too, added something lu her expression that was new to him. \You-you have changed. Ale not the same. Of course you look older aud bronzed. 1 dou't mean that. But there Is something else-your man ner— \ \Sylvia he began, breathlessly, \three years Is a long time— ” \Oh yes; Is It not?” she interposed, eagerly. “And, you know, one's circumstances alter- new people Intervene.\ \Yes yes; so they do.” Her unexpected quleBcenoe was dis concerting, but he doggedly stumbled on. \And Sylvia, I wish to tell you—I know it seems mean and cruel—but last year I met Eleanor, and— ” “Hush!” whispered Sylvia, suddenly raising her hand and turning in an at titude of listening expectancy toward the lighted windows of (he house visi ble across the expanse of lawn. As they paused, mute, from an open casemate came a feeble cry—vague, plaintive, sending its message Into the night. dU KkN u f 1 W IT I • s a i l : riV tettw r i p t e f t t e r i t 8 * te a « n - J ------ --------- .. --------- ----------------- - L JifltT ’ • '- v - v - -J ployri » • Ifri-oriH c a t- talent, Jtiat teers *eems>tob* notaprovemeat la the boyto condItton.Be ta devoted to him. The Duke of Norfolk 1* a com paratively young man, a little over 50 years of tge. He is a widower, and has never seemed to want to marry again. His brother, who was Cardinal Howard, lost bit mind ahortly before he died. Arundel castle In Sussex Is one of the great showhouaea of En gland. Some years ago a rumor was started that the Duke of Norfolk waa HyMOROUSPARAGRAJ>>tS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. J. Shaker—'Tell y^u-wbat, 1'mnerv- ou* to-day. I'm to call <>u Miss Lov- lUpx to-nlght to get her final answer. , J . T. Baker—You needn't he afraid. I pajrlng devoted attention to MUs V l r - ^ h„ #t th, .ratioucfa yesterday, glnla McTavIsh, of Baltimore. Mra ‘ slli Ie(t tQ pr(let tor vUU)ng cgrdg and Miss McTavIsh have lived abroad , t!l» came of “Mrs. J. Shaker.”-Phllo- for several years, making their winter ^alpbla. Record, residence In Rome, where they have become Identified with tbe “Blacks or the papal aristocracy, which Is tbe lia$d to It, The Lord High Keeper of the Seals— most exclusive In tee holy city.-New “ • to bo .much Impressed * * h i t i h , i i« I n » L > i> . I I J 1...4 York Times. IT FLIES AND FIGHTS. Prot Langley1* Combined Airship and Dynamite Thrower. If current reports from Washington «re true Professor 8. P. Langley has Inveuted a real flying machine and the most powerful engine of war known to civilized man. So mighty Is the power of tee little forty-seven-pound engine of the flying machine which he has originated that no model army could withstand It. A fleet of ironclads could be destroyed by it lu fifteen minutes. Coast defenses would be broken tip like rail fences before a tornado if once the aerodrome pussed over them aud dropped bombs Into their midst. At least this Is what Professor Langley's friends assert. For three years past Professor Lang ley has devoted himself to the prob lem of aerial navigation. He claims to have solved it at last and to huve built a uinehlue which will render Ainerleuu armies invincible by meauB of bombs thrown from his airship. He calls It the aerodrome. This machine will be not less valuable lu peace than lu war. A man can settle himself to sleep lu the cur of one of those flyiug much lacs In the evening at Chicago, and wake up to find himself lu New York by morn ing. Air travel will be more Bafe than transportation by laud. Tbe aerodrome can dart upon a sinking ship nml snatch Its passengers from peril. The airship, it Is claimed, Is as completely under control of Its pilot as a locomo tive Is under the guidance of an engi neer. The aerodrome which Professoi Langley has constructed aud tested cost *17,000. This sum Included the cost of numerous experiments. The machine can probably be duplicated for less tlmu *10,000. Professor Laug- ley says bis perfected aerodrome Is the result of between twenty live and thir ty unsuccessful experiments with various engines and motors. Ills work lms been curried ou lu the East with the utmost secrecy. The professor was convinced that an airship could be constructed which would fly by Its owu power. The problem was to In vent a machine that could depend up on Its momentum for support and at the same time furnish considerable carrying capacity above that required to sustain Itself. After ten months of effort a flying machine was actually launched lu 1897. In the first experi ment It worked well. Subsequent trials showed that It was not and could not In that shape be put under perfect control. The aerodrome resembles a metal by the laltlatlou. did he? The Grand Grinder of the Flaming Sword-IVtut could you expect? He wes stage enrpofitor for a Wagner opera troupe for three years—Indian apolis Journal. IV We Mcu of Gotham. “That was a crazy thing for those three wise men of Gotham to go to sea la a bowl.” ‘\Oh. 1 dou'jt know. They were wise enough to want to get out of Gotham.” —Boston Transcript. your Her A d v antage, lie—You women don't know own minds. She—Maybe: hut we cun read tbe minds of you meu pretty well.—Indian apolis Journal. Wiiated Kuergr. Raby—I failed down m'mal Mother And did you cry? Baby -No use, m'iuu-I was alone.- J inly. Out of fill Ilurht, \Got out!” commanded her father. “Don't ever let me see you bore again.'1 \Very well,” replied the confident young umu. \Your daughter can tell you ihe nlglils I am to call, aud you cuu arrange to he out until I leave.”— Philadelphia North Atuerleau. Not a inIna of Beauty.' Bootblack-Shine, boss? I’ll polish ’em up so yer km see your face lu 'em. Grump-Get out of here! 1 dou't want a shine! Bootblack--I don’t blame yer, boss. If I bad h face like dat I wouldn't wnuler see it Holder. CANNOT BE Frl.MB APiXT. pall Is applied gradually and there la no Jerk. There have been many at tempts to explain why with tee fingers In this position so much force can be resisted, but none of the explanation* has been satisfactory. Theories of weight balance, and strain have all been advanced In vain, bet tee fact re mains and caa be easily demonstrated. Care most be taken teat the pod must be gentle at first and without any Jerk- ef the arbor, he vanished, returning speedily clad In light topcoat and crush hat and bearing a heavy cloak of vel vet and furs. “That!” breathed Sylvia in a horri fied whisper, when he showed his spoil. “Why, you've brought grandma's sable mantle!” To Sylvia tbe hansom was a chariot lent direct from lairyland for her con veyance to some enchanted world. The gajety and glitter of the London night 'delighted and amazed her. At Picca dilly circus Sylvia was entranced; In Leicester show she was in ecstasies, and when, having reached tbe anng se clusion of a curtained box, she conld gaze across a valley of dim, smoke- wreathed figures, which the moving marvel of form and color defined as a ballet she acted and moved as ehoogh la a dream world. Sylvia remained oblivious to all Brim- ton's bints as to th' lapse of lime untfl he mermnred that the hour had -neared II. Safely tn the hansom' speeding Ing. Later enormous power may be appHed without polling the tips of the ^ r n e d tT rerth *p*r t tgain. and sighed as she felt Uke Cinderella hi haring to leave tee befl Bitfwgr i ”’ - r - *• V - - F - • - I I S i S K ® jiB l V e n n Mga Pntatere. Berths tea added Elen painters to tee ht Its height, dally inereestng ttst <tf women who I *’*• Aerty, very, very work at men's trade. Tteae women *>\7. *>« ™ * < > * * * ■ perhape whea hare served a regular apprenticeship, h* returned in three Fear* he would gymnastic training, ae teat have forgone* ter. And Brunton wma Itey urti ate hue teetr a s m while emrrlaeed of his owa falthfM- werUag o* KuftOds o r ladder*. They use*, but feared tee strain ef time cad; wear tee gray Bam ftoek tad eap teat steeaceeatesu.^ ^ „ 1* tee teaae paster's tedpetawMaat' te wepM l b m m a t o r n t m . ------------------- g * « * * * * * » * * ? ■ ? » * * :lend tea* * eartris tfeea doer f f l * : LANGLEY’S NEW FLYING MACHINE. Not Hafe tn Go. “I think my wife will stay at home this summer.” \How do you know?” \She doesn’t like my taste, and I told her I thought I’d have the house pa pered all over if she went away.\—Chi cago News. A Utilitarian, “Ah,” said the man who Is some times morose and visionary, \If I only had the wings of an eagle and the heart of a lion!” “Another touch of dyspepsia!” mur mured the family physician, In tones of sympathy. \My dear fellow, what you ought to wish for Is the stomach of a goat.”—Washington Star. Cenght tn the Act, AV4 Sylvia's eyes sought Brunton’s—hts wondering, hers lamblent with mater nal ecstasy. \My baby,\ she said.—Chicago Jour nal. , Where Women Never Speak, The severity of the Bernardlnes of Anglet, Bisters of Bt Bernard, most re sembles that of the famous Trapplst monks. The nuns take a vow of per petual silence. The nunnery Is situ ated in the southwest cornet of France, op tbe borders of Spain, aud under tbe shadow of the Pyrenees. It was found ed by the Abbe Gestae. Every hour of the day Is carefully mapped out Each time the big clock of tee monastery chimes the hour, every nun falls on her knees and apeuda a few moments in prayer. Out lu tbe fields. It Is mar vellous to aee tew well the oxen know these chime*. Directly they bear them they clap iauttMtlTsty, Starting on their way acute the Instant the Sisters rise from their knees. The Bernar- dinea have as few of death. Indeed, on the contrary, they long for I t When the first Superior of their order lay dy ing, the had an Interview with one of tee nuna, who Implored her to Inter cede oa her behalf In heaven that she, too, might die soon. Tbe Superior smiled, and In an Inspired voice said that In a month her request should be granted. Ou the day of the burial, just aa the coffin was to be dosed, the nun drew near tbe body, whispered to its aw, and dipped a note tote the dead iwmd, Imploring the Superior not to forget te r promise. Jnst a month from that date the nun. too. passed away and so tee promise was frifiDed. r - - t o s t Dumb aud aa MIe*. ' ! - The earning of age r i A t Bari of Lrsadd. ana r i the Date-of Hscfsft. te pressfler peer of Bsqjfcadlr i s « sad whale propelled by the wings of an al batross. It is built largely of alumi num, and the body, or car, Is about 25 feet long, 6 feet wide, and 8 feet high. Liquefied, Air la the substance whleh gives life to its body and Its wings. Tbe aerodrome Professor Langley has constructed can carry five or six people with ease, a id it Is only a mat ter of building a sufficiently large one to sustain any given weight On en tering the machine the. doom ars first j. to be securely fastened, and teen tee liquid gas, which has been stored with the refrigerating tanka is vaporized to fill the balloon. As the lifting power becomes sufficient the machine Is grad ually lifted bodily from tee ground, and after clearing all obstruction* the engines are started. As the vessel gains headway and Is thus maintained In tee air by Its own momentum, tee gas in the balloon la again gradually liquefied and tee -fe*Hao» to drswn down closely over tee top of the ear to order to present aa little surface for wind obstruction to th* movement of| the flying machine aa possible.—Chi cago Inter Ocean. Many Bells Used by Farmers. , The farmers really use more bella than any other class of people or any trade or Industry. A stogie foundry in New Jersey easts snnuaBy bells for the farmers and about 4JM0 for schools, churches, engine-hoosea, ete. It la estimated by a fooMrymaa that st least 50,000 are sold every yew i to tbe country te tiOen of the sof] and breeder*. la always a great shock to a woman to tew a preacher expram a deatre togo to Paris; Ms longing should be to rhdt the Holy Lsuid. Flous Female—Do people come into the church on a week day to pray? .. Old Man—Yes, muin; 1 catched a couple of ’em at It Sketch. last week!-The A ReqnUltc Lncklfifr. Browne—It seems to be the general Impression among our acquaintances that we didn’t bare a very good time on our camping-out trip. Towne—That's the result of not hav ing had a single good liar in the whole party—New York World. Wot In If. Mrs. Jackson—Is Mr. White In good society? Mrs. Johnson—Mercy, no! Why, she calls her maid her hired girl.—Somer ville Journal. A Kidaiaht Call. “I want something to drink,” said the mosqultto to tbe sleeper; \anything will fin tbe jffl.” “Ton'll find a mosquito bar right over then,\ sighed the slumberer only to rwake and find that It was oa Mm.— City Star. Pleasant te Knew. He (preparing to leave)—I assure you, lflss Sweet, the time has passed •way very pleasantly this evening. She (abstractedly)—Y ea. It to pleas ant to knew that it to past—Boeton Traveler. < • She Wagg~I thtok that there udS t e tori P f c ;;j - p r i PI m m o i * lacldeat* Ocean-ring the WerMI Over-t!«y lug* that Are Utter- fal to uid or Youcc-Funjiy belcc* Umt that AverybOd/ Wilt ExtJojq ftepaw te*tt Mr. ’Riggles—Under “lire tesaraacn.” —SomervUle Journal fha K w o S l n , - .. “Lone before I mat you I had heard of your family,” said the Ouant “Ye*,” replied the ’ beautiful girt, coldly. \I believe papa U quoted la Bradstreot’a.” / No L et Up. \She plays the piano with .perfect time.” - “Yea, and lots of l t ”-Phlladelphla Bulletin. Method lit T h e ir Madnaoo. Crawford—What lesson does this frightfully hot weather teach you? Crahshaw—Never t o coll a man a fool who goes In search of the north pole.—New York World. A ria iaant Prospect Prospective ledger—'The main thing 1 b that 1 get a room in a quiet houae. Landlady—0, this Is a quiet house, sir! In the next room a singer lodges, and If It were not quiet he couldn't practice all day long, as he does now.— Lustlgo Blacttcr. Frightful t u t t r l i s . The Major-Dld you suffah from thirst, Ouuuel. wheu you were cast away on that desert Island? The Colouel—Why, aftuh six days of untold agony even watah tasted good. —New York Journal. The Bummer GlrU “I wonder why It Is that all the men are after her?” \I supixise It’s the faculty she has for always leading the procession.” that Bafelj Stowed Away* Mamma—Willie, did you eat Jam? WllUe—Why, mamma, I heard the rats in the eloset, un’ JUBt thought I’d move It out of their reach.—Philadel phia North America. P lenty for That. Mrs. B.—Dear nie! I went and bought this remnant of drees goods, and there Isn't half enough to make a decent skirt. Mr. 11.—Oil, well, never mind; It'll make a bicycle skirt then, sure.—Phil adelphia Bulletin. She Keats Him Bo. “Who Is holding forth to your bus* band, Mrs. Brown?” \It's Professor Bparkes. Georg* raves about him. Bays his conversa tion Is an Intellectual treat, Go and ask to be introduced.” 'Thanks, but I hardly feel equal to an intellectual conversation this after noon. I think I’ll stop where I am, If you don’t mludt\—runch. Blameless. \Marriage Is so often a failure I don't blame so many women for being old maids.” \Blame them? Of course not. It Isn’t tlielr fault.”—Philadelphia Bulle tin. Not Usual. \We discharged our cook. She re* (used to help do the canning.\ \Well that’s the first time I ever heard of dismissing a servant for not being saucy.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. Tbe Love They Bear Bach Other, Bally—Were you surprised at Clara's acceptance of Jack? , Dolly—Not at all. What surprised ns was that Jack proposed to her.—Phila delphia Norte American. Browned Out, •id you enjoy the symphony oon- \nw erf?” \Not a bit A, girl right to front of me was dressed so loud I couldn’t hear any of the soft music.”—Philadelphia Bulletin. _______ Delnelone Unloaded, \I told 1dm that he wasn’t my tdeal man, and be told me I wasn’t his Ideal girl.” \And then?” \Then we felt perfectly safe to go ahead and get married.”—Chicago Rec ord. ,;.«j»aa'BS 8 __ ....... .. Where Americana Caa Learn. * Americans, even though we are as hospitable as any nation on tarth. might well take a lesson from th* Russians In regard to tee respect they pay a letter of Introduction. Th# En glish send word when yon can be. re ceived, and you pay each otter frosty formal calls and then are tried to 6- o'clock tea or some other wildly excit ing function of similar Importance. Tbe French are great sticklers far eti quette. but they are more spontaneous, and yon are naked to dine r i onee. After thri It to your own fnrit if yow are not sorted again. But to to different I Drink the have a&oripsB'ted my homeland the' women to seated fetter* e*riy tn f t e
