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About Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.) 1898-1915 | View This Issue
Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.), 13 Oct. 1899, located at <http://montananewspapers.org/lccn/sn83025326/1899-10-13/ed-1/seq-2/>, image provided by MONTANA NEWSPAPERS, Montana Historical Society, Helena, Montana.
'\-’•'ns , t f ► r fc--. ' It It understood that Don Carlos has quit sitting up nights to pretend. We reaervt oar bero worship tor the mnn who can Invent a usiuellag# pot that won’t get gummed up. Let It no longer be conaldered a re proach to he seasick. Admiral Dewey had mil demur during the battle of Manila. _______ _ . ____ It the hone goes, the coachman muet go, too. A family coachman way down Haat baa gone. He took a (2,000,000 bride with him. Small bills are laid to be icarce. But moat person* pan teatlfy to the fact that the \monthly bills,“ big and little, are aa numerous as ever. > Wrltera may come aud writer* may go, but no oue will take the placq of the late Horatio Alger la the hearts of the men who used to be boys. The announcement that the kissing .'bug Is a mythrute creation of an Imag inative reporter, Is n little hard on the people who have been bitten by the luaect It probably would uot require a very near sighted tnau to recognize In slliu ttarah Bernhardt’s Hamlet the time- 'houored hypothesis of \Hamlet with Hauilej loft out.\ That la a, dangerous admission made by the Boston Herald that the Boatou street boy baa abbreviated \motor ear\ to \tomato.\ Sometime* a name like that sticks ridiculously. tf-tbar ( b s o t tottg&y indorse Hate teaux'i philosophy. believe in the max im, \Be rktuons If yea con, If yon ce n t • be -careful, \ ‘■‘--Does. ■ the lattel} shew any moral anpertorlty to Hcu- reaox’s frank definition of Ufe I > The predominant aspiration In the boy nature la the'desire to be a man.; Aa he cannot be a man-until be is grown be Imitates the man to the beet of hta boyish ability. Next to hli de sire to be a man hta strongest Impulse la to do what the other boys do. The boy la gregarious. He goes In droves usually, following the leadership of the loudest-voiced -and most pugnacious of hla fellows. These two traits of the boy uature explain the recent elrlkea among the newsboys and messenger boys lu New York, Pittsburg, Syracuse aud Philadelphia. The men, when they want their wages raised or shorter hours of labor/.strike. It Is ouly nat ural that the boys should follow the example of their elders. Adult strikers frequently mob other meu who are will ing to take their places, calling theiy “scabs\ and other opprobloua names. Boys follow their example by beating, or threatening to beat, their fellows who are willing to add to the family Income by sticking to their employ-' meut. If the worklugmeu wlu a strike lu New York or Boston, others ure en couraged to go on a strike. It the newsboys aud messenger boys of oue city stop work for better pay, the strike epidemic spreads straightway among the boya lu all cities. It’s an old laying that hoys will be boya, and It la equally true that hoys want to he'aud do like other boya. While a boys'-strike last*, however, It It usually a lively one. The spirit of gregarlousnesa In the boy ua ture Insures this. What one boy does all the boys will do or wnnt to do, aud when all tho lucsscugcr or newsboys elvlke ami preventing other hoys from doing their work, there will he plenty of life, a good deal of mis chief aud some destruction going for ward. Edison thinks the name \electro mo bile\ should bo selected for electrical earrlagea. That has • euphonious souud, uud how would gaaotuoblle an 1 awer for those run by gasoline power? A man 100 yean of age recently chas tised hla youthful ion aged 70 for mla- behavloK There la nothing like putting a sou on the right path while he Is still under MO. The boy may yet turn out all right. Simple directions for treatment of lockjaw are making their appearance here aud there. It should he borne lu mlud, however, that prevention la bet ter than cure, aud that the toy pistol, a frequent cause, can at least be prohib ited. A magistrate has declared It Illegal for a man to make love to a woman without her cousent. The legal form will read: \May 1 aak you If 1 may ask you?\ and it la feared this complicated question will completely befuddle a great many aultora. An Investigation shows that the As ton Instead of being descended from a uoble line of Spanish courtiers came lu a straight line from a Herman butcher. If the Aatora were good sensible people they would be gtad this discovery has been made. Better an honest German butcher auy day thin a hanger-on at a Spanish court. The admission fees to a recent prize fight In New York exceeded (85,000, the Inrgeat amount ever received for any single performance. This has been cited aa a startling commentary-upon the times.- Bloody noses and cracked crowns, however, are uot the delight of the vast majority of our people, nor are bouuce and bluster yet widely ae cepted as the principal virtues of the world. The plain truth appears to be that a very large proportion of (he population of the United States Is Ludltfereul to books, and we have still rather a small strictly student Clement. It Is the fault of very heavy and mixed Immigration, of the backwardness of the large rural population In the South, and of the rap id growth of the country, with enforc ed strict attention to practical affairs of a business kind. A fruit novelty la reported from Cali fornia. It la bait lemon and half or ange, with the shape of the lemon and the color bf the orange, the juice hav ing the flavor of both. It Is, of course, artificially produced. Heretofore the phantom lemon, which figure* In picnic assfeto, haa had the chief distinction as a lemon curiosity. The fruit world, it will he aeen, shows a tendency to com bination as well aa the business world. Captain William A. Andrews, who undertook to croaa the ocean In a dory, did not complete hla voyage. He was picked op by a ateauer 700 mtlea from laud la each an exhausted condition and so gtod to get aboard that he did not even try to save hla boat. It la not possible to feel any sympathy for the captain. It was n foolhardy piece of basinets, which If It had succeeded would have accomplished nothing of waI«ia---U..)M-aIuHild-jafelg.£zon tha ocean a dozen time* It would not con vince any one that It was not much easier and safer to go on a steamer. Captain Andrews TUiorild be thankful the eteamer picked him op tad quit the silly boalttesa In which be to engaged. The doctors Boa of the late Presi dent Heureeax that the object of life was “to fight man and love woman\ brings mi back to the age when men had afi he (MM de to hold hla own against ether beasts. H wifi strike the gentle reader a Bttle odd to hear such a pre-htotorie admtosioB after two (boasasd years ef Christianity. Bat to Domingo [la a h i a n t way that l a i b y geaerations W The fight goea ea ta the The Uulted States weather bureau has published the results of Investiga tions It has made aa to the vuluc of properly destroyed aud the number of Uvea lost lu this country, by lightning, for a series of uiue years. The records are reasonably complete and the show ing la as curious as It Is Inlerestlug. lu the last nine years 812 persona have beeu killed aunually by light ning, but of all the years considered that of 18115 was the most disastrous, 42tl persons having lost their lives lu that tuauuer. Last year the mortality was 307, aud lu the entire nine yeurs the average number killed was live to each million of population. t''utullllea are less frequent In cities and thickly -settled localities and most common lu agricultural sections of the country. Of the states having most deaths from this cause Ohio takes the lead, the average being 24 for each 100,(KH) persons engaged lu farming. The greatest proportluii of fatal strokes is found In the Missouri-valley, the great plalus and In the region of the Kocky Mountains. Lust your 1,800 buildings were destroyed or damaged by light ning, which Involved a loss estimated at (1,440,880. Of other property lost the report mentions 004 cattle, 800 homes, 30 mules, lit! pigs', 420 sheep, the estimated total value of which was $48,257. Tills 'makes the total loss of properly (1,405,137, caused by ouly 710 lightning strokes. It is stated that so far as the loss of life Is concerued, practically all the fatalities take place In the five months from April to Sep tember, most of them being In June aud July. The report says that much of the damage caused by lightning In the agricultural districts might he avoided by “grounding wires\ at proper distances along lines of wire fences, \which are death' traps to stock, the fatal shock M ag Inflicted often through the medium of the wires at a considerable distance from the point hit,\ HERE'S A Bid PAIR. Two Bouncing K e n tucky Babies T h a t W eigh 300 Pounds. Two of.lhe moat remarkable children ever born lu Kentucky are those of Mr. and Mrs. C. L. Cart mill, of OwlugSCille. They are Della May, aged 8, weight 180 pounds, aud Willie, aged 4, weight 210 pounds. At birth the elder weign- ed 8 and the younger 7. They began to grow In about a week's time and grew so rapidly that people for mtlei came to see them. Doctors aud scientists from everywhere where their rapid growth was known came to atudy them. They are perfectly healthy, but sleep more than half the time. Mr. and Mra. Cartmlll are people of ordinary size. Mr. Cartmlll la quite tall, lint hla weight la n at mnre IklJl ItiO pounds at any time. He <a a huckster, and although he attempts to reduce them by dieting they continue to grow despite hla effort*. A High Compliment. \Frederick Douglass told me,” sayg • writer la Harper's Magazine, “rhat, la spite of hi* long experience, he aever could entirely rid himself of stage fright. ‘Dortng the first fifteen min utes when 1 face an audience,' he said, ‘my knee* wtH knock together.’\ When be got fairly Into hla subject, however, this nervousness, which all speakers have sometimes fek, pasted awty. He pat hie point* well la a ay argument, and hi* eloquence wa* of a high order. HI* tribute, la one sentence, to Abraham Lincoln to aa assarpaned em p fineat \Mr. Lincoln, ” be said, “to the only v t t * m ta tato whose presence I wts ever oshered who Ad sot make me fed that I was a negro.* death irfkljy ATTHEW ELDER, editor of J vt / j I ^ e Inner Circle, had gone out for half an hour to synchronize hla watch, and hla assistant, J. Graham Ckampules, reigned temporarily lu hla Head. On every occasion when Elder was absent, whether be bail gone out to get hla hair cqt tat a restaurant op posite), or waa away on a two-month*' holiday, or bad taken a week off be cause he felt far from well, J. Graham Champnlea reigned in’ hla stead, en dowed with plenary powers. He was ambitious, aud Intelligent, and hard working, and trustworthy; Matthew Elder, brilliant and lazy, bad long aluce recogulzed that. Elder thought of Iblogs to do—Champnlea did them. A clerk had just laid on Champnlea’ desk the form which a visitor had tilled up: • NAME. Miss Cynthia I’age. ♦ • TO BEE. The Editor. * ♦. BUSINESS. Private. • • DATE. 3.5.09. • '“Well, I’ll see her,” said Champnlea. He had Been the name Oyuthla Page lu good tagazluea, appended to curious aud interesting atorlea. He waa not 111 pleased, when the clerk showed her In, to Hud that she had youth and beauty on pale arid mys tical lines, Her long, raised lashes, sud the Uugerlug glance of her gray eyes, seemed to ssy: \Y\>u do lutereat me.” J. Graham Chain pules found him self hoping that Mutthew Elder, after synchronizing his watch, would find It necessary to go and see a man about a .dog—or, at any rale, would delay his return, lu the meanwhile he was anx ious to know what he could do for Miss Page. \1 am speaking to the editor?” said Miss Page, a little doubtfully. ,i' \The actual editor, Mr. Elder, Is not In atpreaeut, but I have full powers to act for him.\ \1 see.” She was still lu doubt. “Pray be assured of It. 1 can make conlrnets with you, accept stories from you, slgu cheeks for you, so if you have auythlng to propose— \ \Oh It’s uot thal! In fact, 1 came In rouaequeure of a proposition which he bad already made lo me.” \Well I shall be'very glad to carry ou anything that he has begun. As a rule he mentions these things to me, but thl* time 1 am lu I he dark,” Bhe smiled mysteriously. “But you can’t be sure that you would wish to carry ou w hat he haa begun.\ “As Mr. Elder la the supreme author ity here, I should have no choice. But, even If I had, what you suggest Is ex tremely unlikely.\ “Why unlikely? No two men can have udud8 extfclly alike. It's such a funny arrangement you have here.\ \It work* well enough in practice. We both know the character of our pa per, and what our public wauta. I say have been In. What with my unfortu nate enthuslaamij and my wretched memory, 1 shall get myself into trouble. Listen. I met-thl* girl two or three times a year ago; never gave her an other thought till I came on a story by her that waa perfectly magulflcent—0, horribly good!—probably the beat story that baa been written In this century, 1 dallied off a letter to her at ones, aud so worked up myself about It. that 1 said, to show my sincerity, t\iat it she liked I’d marry iter, and she could call at the office thl# morning with her an swer. She’d have refused me, of course, as they all do. and perhaps I'm better single; but, none the leas, it would have been more civil not to have forgotten the appointment.” \Really aatd Chaufpulea, \you must be a little mad.\ “Undoubtedly,” answered Elder, cheerfully. \It’a the price one paya for betug so excessively intelligent.” Uhampnles Blared blankly at the desk, trying to recall the fjptact word* of hi* con versa tlonptHtr^yuthla Page. \Irnok h e r e , s a i d Elder, “write aud say you want to see her about a story; then when she comes do the ex plaining for me. Say I was called away by telegram. 8ay It was from motive* of delicacy. Say anything.” Tbe following la from a subsequent Issue of the Tea Cup; a journal con ducted by ladles for ladlea: “One of the most brlllluut of our lady wrltera, Miss Cynthia Page, la, it Is whispered, shortly to be led lo Hie hy meneal altar. The fortunate partner of her future joys aud-sorrows la J. Gra ham Champnlea, a young journalist of great promise. Our heartiest felicita tions. Speaking of weddings, have you afeu the really beautiful designs In pearlettes indistinguishable front real pearla now being shown In the win dows of * * *?\-Black ami White. IS-i PAGZ WAS A LITTLE DOUBTFUL. t to t t o n ztory to to a ttuitoM rfctofifiaff. It Is unlikely that I should be unwilling to carry on whatever Mr. Elder haa begun, for this reason and also because I know and admire your work.” \OU do you think it’a fhy good?” \Of course I do.” ' “Sptaklng frankly?” “Speaking frankly, It's full enough of faul s; some of It seems to have run away with you aud got alt over the place. But It's horribly interesting all the samt. You see, It’s original.” “Oh, yea!” she assented. “I am orig inal. If I were not, I shouldn't beJu*rC“ “That sounds cryptic,\ he saldL\Po8- slbly, I shall understand It when I know the nature of Mr. Elder'a pro posal. He wants some stories from you?\ “No, no.” \Then what la It?\ “Do you kuow that I ’m afraid I can't tell you.” “Very well, then; there's nothing more to be said. Mr. Elder la out at present. You'd better call again. I suppose you think It would make some difference whether Mr. Elder went on with hla business, or I did?” ‘Tm sure It would—the greatest dif ference.” ---- ---- --------- - ----- -- - ......... - “You think I shouldn’t do as well?\ \Not as well. You’d do better—Infin itely better. Oh, I must go,” she blush ed, rose, good-byed, and faded out ef the office. Ten mlnutea later Matthew Elder, middle-aged, bald and cheerful, saun tered into the room with hla hands in hla pockets. “Well, Bill! Everything all right?\ Me. Elder had not found In' the as sortment ef names provided for Champnlea by the accident of hi* birth and the guesswork of hla christening anything which took bis fancy. “No,\ aald Champnlea shortly, trill Irritated by hla latervlew with Cynthia Page. “Quart late a tin pot. Plugged- up with ada, and Bowse baa Just-sent np that he'll want another half-page. We shall have to leave over everything that'll Trait, and some things that won't.\ “Ah! yea don't keep t tight enough hoed ea Berne.” “Step J n a id tackle him yeoneK. Here, this woman a iled to mo \ wealds’! t e l me 1 Matthew Oder •adeeakdtowmto* thto to rafher bed. I e*vht to ONE OLD SCAMP ^ T h at Colonel T itus B a rk Bupported fur M aps Years.. They were speaking of successful business men anil somebody mentioned old Colonel Titus Back (which Isn't ids name, although it ought to be). \There is a man who lias made a great deal of money,\ commented one of the party, \but he has beeu absolutely no value to the world except aa an lllus (ration of (be vice of avarice. I doubt seriously whether he has ever spent one penny ou anybody, except the mem bers of his Immediate family, whom he couldn’t avoid supporting.” \I think you do Bark su Injustice,” replied un other lu the group. \Men of his stamp are ofteu strangely generous lu secret and take the greatest pains to hide their good deeds from the world. They seem to find a bitter pleasure In being misunderstood. In this particular ease I could cite you to au old man In New Orleans whom Colonel Bark has quietly supported for a number of years, and 1 feel pretty certain that be has never mentioned tbe matter to a living soul. It's an old fellow who used to kuow his father, and what makes his action all the more praise worthy Is the fact that the recipient of this bounty la anything but an engag ing character. He is crabbed, coarse, illiterate, snarling and as ugly as q mud fence. He haa a breath like a buzzard aud a nose like a tomato, and I'm persuaded lie tipples a good deal In private. The Colonel must be per fectly familiar with his shortcomings,' but be never chides him and uever per mits anybody to speak III of him In bis presence. In fact, I've known him to tell more than one deliberate lie to shield him from the consequence of his pure cussedness. Everybody hates the old rascal. I doubt whether be haa an other friend In the whole city.” \You astonish me!\ exclaimed the first speaker. \How long lias this been go ing on?” \Four years. He has ipi other source of revenue and If It wasn’t for the Colonel he’d certainly be dead. I saw him hobbling Into hla office only this morning.” \Well well, that strikes me as being rather pathetic. Who ta the old scamp, anyhow?” \T1- tua Bark, of course.”—New Orleans' Times-Democrat. Tbe Sergkanfa Tribute. A very great military authority aald, \T ljg p t are no bad regiments, but only Jj*xfcolonels.\ There Is abundant proof that Napoleon's belief la shared by the' rank and file of soldiers, but this fact could not be more happily Illustrated) than by tbe following story, taken from tbe London Illustrated News, of a quaint compliment paid to tbe Oerman Crown Prince, afterward Emperor Frederick: After The battles ef Wslasenburg TVoerth, which be had won, the Crowe Prince was sauntering alone one even ing p u t a barn occupied by a party o(< uertemberg troop*. Hearing some thing like stamp oratory going on, tfie Prince opened the doorrand looked In. Every one *ose. “Oh. sit down! I'm sorry to distorts I dare say there's room for me to do the same,” said the Prince. “Pray, who waa making a speech T All eyes were turned on a sergeant whose very Intelligent countenance looked, however, sorely ponied when the commander-ln-cblef naked; \And what were yon talking about V Qtrk-kly recovering kto presence of mind, the sergeant coafwtod; ... \Wefi of coarse, wa went (hiking of o n victorle*. and I was Just explain ing to theee young men how, few yean* ago, if we had had yon to M l at. we would have made abort work of those tons have t r t t a a l eyes ae i fie tor t h e , CM O rtfcateH rtaatxtodtAi HKOAPWO H lf FOfiTUHg, G n x b b a M rtklac Exarept* A a irlM i Flock. No b e ttertStM iatof American pttiek and perseverance ha%>een seen .lo re cent y e a n than that deployed by Gen eral B. Bugd Grubb,'former minister to Bpain assd oncaeandldatrfor Gov ernor of New Jaraey,, For fears the General was distinguished' for' his prominence In military and public af fairs. He qpent his money unstlmlng- Jy and was one of the moat generous men of hla State. It Wat a t a partner of the firm of William M. Kaufman A Co., Iron founder*, of ftherldah. Pa., that he lost hla fortune. He had joined the firm aa a apodal partner, be thought, but when their craah came he discovered that he waa a general partner and personally liable for aU the firm’s debt* Instead of jtor the amount represented by tbe stock he held. In 1890 he waa hurried off as minister to Spain on twenty-tour hours' uotlce. He left power of attorney with three friends and gave directions that they were to Investigate all hla financial af fairs and particularly hla Interests In the Iron company at Sheridan. Their report showed that he had an Income of (100,000 a year. He returued from Spain la 1892. In,1893 the great panic Ofidt Carle** aad LaaikaU* Phaaee adHaaaaa H stan Graphically Per* trayad by l a l a u t Wdrd Artists of OarOsa Dsy*ABs4|sl i f f s a “I can't aay I am much disappointed In you,” aald Mr. BultWn, atern'.y, eye ing hla eldest son, who had come home from college In disgrace. “1 never ex pected you to amount to anything.” “No,\ responded tbe young man, With a sort of feeble resentment, “1 haven't bad as good a atari In life as you had You were a poor boy. with every In ducement to make somebody of your self, and I am nothing but a rich man's son.”—Chicago Tribune. *me aud iron weut out through the Kittorn flaauclally. Grubb lost every thing except hope. He closed his magulflcent home, seut hla family to frleud* lu London, lived lu a room at the works ou 00 eeuta a (lay, studying the altuatlou there^pnd theu Interested English capital with which he kept the works moving. This was later withdrawn by Grubb uccept lug options ou It. Since the revival T ip )\ lrou Industries he lias formed a (3,000,- 000 syndicate and Is getting the big end of tbe Immense profits of the business He will shortly reopen big magnificent home and live once more lu the luxury of funner days. CURLYCUE APPROACH. Tornado Tears Away Moat Remark* ■ Me Brtdae Ip l imuti r. When the tornado tore Its way through the town of Hastings, Mltra., It took with It the most remarkable bridge lu tbe couulry. When the local engineer set to work to solve the prob lem of bow to make a bridge suffi BHIliea AT HABTINaS. deutly high for tbe Mississippi boats to pass under, and yet uot so high as to make a hoisting apparatus necessary for the vehicles that would pass over, he wished to build an lucllue roadway that would begin some distance from Ihe river and lead gently up to and over the structure, hut the Hastings town officials objected. They wanted the public highway preserved Intact, aud they wanted the bridge aa well, and they told the engineer that lie Could lake tbe puzzle home with him and solve It or resign In favor of a more ingenious man. The engineer brought the solution down to the officials next day, and they at once sanctioned the construction of the remarkable bridge shown lu the cut. ' The Inclined roadway Is there, but Instead of going straight ahead from a point a distance away, It cork screws within a Bmall space, being ele vated »u pillars that Increase In height as the bridge rises until the level of the span !s reached. Passengers on foot and travelers In vehicles wind around a spiral roadway, first going toward the river and then turning their backs to tt and then facing around toward tt again, until at last they find themselves on the bridge -proper; Until the cy clone came along and signified Its dis approval of the freak structure by de molishing tt, the bridge bad served well the needs of tbe people of Hast- Inga. Colorless. Water Is said to be, colorless. Per fectly pure water Is colorless. Wa, however, do not find perfectly purs water In nature. Clear water, bow - rfm A f f e u f n Hy find, la very clear water sunlight penetrates to a depth of over fifteen hundred feet The l ove's Imposition. “Why, darling,’” exclaimed the pretty bride of three weeks, as she rushed to embrace her busbaud. “How good It was of you lo skip baseball ouce and come home early. Yuu're Just tuo sweet.” And he accepted tt all without saying a word about there being no game.— Detroit Free Press. Degradi-d Taste. \Is your busbaud musical, Belinda?” “No, Indeed. He likes tuuea.” A W e ighty M a tter. \Dasher dldu’t weigh his chances when he weut Into that enterprise. “And yet he speculated on a large aeale.”~Mooushlne. Got It Bad. First servant girl—I believe I am be coming afflicted with luBomula. Second servant girl Why so? First servant glrl-Here lately when the missus calls me lo get up 1 eau’t drop off to sleep again.-Ohio State Journal. Couldn't Hold Hlmaclf Up. Mrs. Jaggs (time 2 a. m ) What fi) the \<-orld kept you so late? Mr. Jaggs W-wlty tide) in’ dear, Jus’ as 1 was romlu'/Uilci 'long firsht slilng kuow'II was lifdd up by slilx or sbeveu lilghwa.viqTi on (hlc) darksh street. .Mrs. Jaggs-Well. It's a good thing they happened lo be there to hold you up. You never could have done it your self. A Hopeless Csae. “Has George ever hinted that he had thought of you as a possible wife?” asked tbe anxious mother. “No,” replied the girl, a faraway look lu her eyea, “aud I'm afraid be uever will.” „ “Why,” sal(l ^ tli« motber,£ t'l thought— ” ! j . i'« “It doesn't ttiqttfr <vhat, .voQ thotlfctit, mamma, dear,\ Jpte'rihqiteil the daugh ter, \Oi?1y Iqst night he' complalued of feeling drowsy and It wasn't o'clock.” On tha W rong T raiW The Statesman-What llo you Think of the race problem? The Rounder Can’t say.- Haven't aeen to-day’s entries.” W ords of Wisdom. “Our naval officers ought to adopt Rudyard Kipling's formula for good health.\ “What's that?” \Keep your pores open and your mouth shut.\- Detroit Free Press. A Ray o f Hops. Servant—Sir, I can no longer stand tt to live w‘!th the mistress and have giv en her riot Ice. The lord of creation (anxiously)—Do you think that will do any good?-* Meg- gendorfefr ^setter. , : | All Women Can. \You qsed to say,” aald Mr. Meeker, aa he edged away from the threatening broom-handle, \that 1 was tbe greatest bargain you *ver got.\ \Yes Sud I will show you that I can atrlke a bargain, too,” retorted hla bet ter half. Ifalaad. City niece—The window* tn our new church are stained. depth to which daylight penetrates d<vj Aunt-Alu't that a pity. Can't they pends, of course, on. the transparency get nothing to take them off? of the water. Tbe Mediterranean belni famed for the clearness of Its wan admits light to a groat depth. T&la to also the -ease la the Oarlbbetw'Sea, where tbe water la of crjstalHnarclear. ’ness, object* being discerniblq'on the A a Awfgl Fling. Mra. Style*—I’d have you understand that 1 know a good many worse men than my husband. Mra. Myles—My (tear, you must be bottom a t very great depth. .Vfear Min- mor* Particular about picking your *e- dora. In tbe Indian Ocean, t/e apotted quatntances.-Cfncfnnatl Enquirer, tofitia are plainly visible, hundred and under one ''water. Usn- F llgktly Changed. Rudolph—Twoyoung gentlemen wish aRy the light of the atm one hundred to meet two young ladles with a view to aad fifty feet below tpe surface of the | matrimony. Money no object How ocean to no more than that of tbe moon,! ^ go, me lord? WhSe t t six hundred feet in many part* «f (he oceaa, there to perpetual dark- net*. - - “ n Proper Term. Now (hat the ConnteM eg Warwick um opend her needlework ahop la •b e e t London; th e e u w f th Jus tice toy dote* to being a Rnpert—Money aonnds better. no objection. That ®e *fir for Laacbeoa. \ “I wa* going to aak yon to take He tot b r e t t f u t ^ M j dear, the pa per aaya there oral qnUe a fire ta out Ugck early thto tqornlng. It to tap* poied to have been the ^ork of an in cendiary\ She—Well, don’t let a little thing Ilka that worry you.\ He—Why, what do«jou meauT She—Nobody will ever accuse you ot building It , Hta Prcdicaaaept. “1 see,” aald the affable friend, “that you occasionally drop Into poetry.” “No,\ answered the laureate, fiercely, “I don’t drop Into poetry. I’m pushed Into tt by the government”—^Washing ton Star. Tha Boaa. Stranger—la (he master of the house In? Man under lied—Yah,, Vat It Is? New York Journal. W e a v ing a -pell. He—I nm rather In favor of the Efigllsb tliuu the American mode of spelling. She—Yes? He—Yes. Indeed/ YathJpSrlour.' for Instance; having tu' lu It utokes all the difference lu the world.—Bo\toU Chris tian Register. The Aiuei-lcata F lan .\ Smith -Are you golug to allow your daughter to marry that worthies! young dude? \ Browu-1 haven't decided yet In fact. 1 don't kuow whether my daugh ter is going to allow me to have any thing to say about It. Had Hta I'referancs. \There la oue thing you ought to re member, Heums. aud that la that 'hou- esty is Ihe best pulley.' \ \1 doue year fokes say that liefo', sah. but fo' merself I'd ladder play d* udder Itlue.”-Boatou Courier. T h o n g h t I t Was a Kad Ureaut. Mistress-How wus It you were so late this morning? Didn't you hear your alarm eloek Maid- I did, mem; but I thought I hud ouly dreamt It, and It dtdu't go off again, mem,\-Boston Transcript, O a l l a u t r j . Wheelivtmian; (to an admirer) —The Ttrefets * « \ p r y qalet to-day, baron. Hgrojj^—Jkpw c*n It be otherwlae, diwlam,' Nvficu Tthgt-ls are pedaling .arouud,—M^ggendorfer Blaetter. , A Cake W alk. “Hate you an agreeable boarding house?”; t, »* , \Yes We have; every morning wa haven cake walk.\ \Cnke walk? Wlint's that?” \Why the first man at the table get* the hot ones.\-Detroit Free l'resa. Unite a Fad Nowadays, \Is Aguiunldo dead or Isn’t he?\ de- mandad the observaut boarder. \ \I'm afraid uot,” replied the other hoarder, \I Ihluk he haa contracted the (leathleqs dying habit, like the Em peror of China.\-I'lltsliurg Chronlele- Telegraphj; Beastly. \1 see they made a lion of Scribe over In Loudon.\ 'Yes, he reminds one of a lion.” ;ln what way?” ‘Wears hla hair long aud baa a den.\ A V a laable Book. “Now, here la a book!\ exclaimed the seedyetly mad,n aa he dashed lulu the bauk- eV i 'a pmVaHe office. 'Don't want no hooka!” grunted tbe banker.- But this Is oue you can't help being lnterestedib.\' ' Haven't time to read hooka, and— \ But I am sure you will take thla book,” persisted the seedy man. Look here, sir, do you lutend to leave this room, or must I— *’ Don’t need to call tbe Janitor; I'll go/ Thla fa youf btiok, though.*’' \My book?” ' ‘Yes, year poeketbook. I found ft In tbe hall.” Then he vanished. mon F ta Position. Me ould mon an’ yer ould fought selde be solde, Larry.” ■Mabe they did, Dlnny; but Ol'll^bet me ould mon wus on fop,\ V luncheon with toe to-ftay,” said one hoard of trade area to another, \hot fitting say* be hat Invited yea, Sorry he got In ahead of m e .\ - \What time Aa yoa Inch?” __ ___ \At L* • - „ ■ ■ \How torfnato. fiftzna takes ktoal tt. I t he wtto ye*.\—DecroS Free An E lectric C e llar Torch. An electric cellar torch haa recently been Invented In Orest Britain, and :t admits of many nsea. The Inventor wna the son of n physician, and quickly rec ognized that the principle »( hla fath er's laryngoscope might be very well applied to commercial purpose*; and bis experiments baaed on this Idea re sulted In tbe product ion of • clean, odorless and reliable appliance for the thorough examination* of brewer*’ casks and vati, cans* e tc,' | t consists of aa elecrrlc lamp covered with a long glare protector, and It to secured at the end of a handle through which the to- misted wlrg to carried. Amman mirror to provided; This folds 'toward when It tenches the side of (be cask or jar, and that reflects the Interior to tack a way that tt anty ha thoroughly examined. ■acton* a* In a Feamayln e v e a* s & m s T ? , A the I tty t o t o sc r e w to tidd of **’
