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About Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.) 1898-1915 | View This Issue
Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.), 03 Nov. 1899, located at <http://montananewspapers.org/lccn/sn83025326/1899-11-03/ed-1/seq-2/>, image provided by MONTANA NEWSPAPERS, Montana Historical Society, Helena, Montana.
A SK« r l y 'A v o a u like* to vtdt tin bargain confers and then count 'erbargains. I t e old empress dowager baa *nop- pressed nil the newspapers In China. Franca Un’tth e worst, after alL Mark Twain says ha has respect for Bataa because he la the spiritual head of about foufAtths of the race. Mot only is the sparrow plucky In Ufa but its acting as a substitute for the reed bird shows it's also game aft er death. i i With respect to England spreading herself in South Africa, it would seem the Boers are disposed to be rabid antl- eapanslonlats. Probably one of the \extenuating circumstances” in Gapt. Drefue' case was that the Judges had a strong sus picion he was tnuocent In a Western city the other day a farmer was robbed three times by gangs of footpads. Can It be tbere’s also a highwayman trust! Whales’ teeth. It Is stated, are the coinage of the FIJI Island*. Very like ly there, as elsewhere, tbe wires say getting money from tbelr husbands Is like pulling teeth. Emperor William says kingship Is the only sure support for the preserva tion of religion. The Kaiser talks very much like a uuiu who Buspect* that he is In danger of loslug hi* job. Two beads may be better than oue as a rule, hut tuluor statesmen cau't he made to see that kuocklnt one of them in Is not the proper thing when It comes to new candidate's barrel. m o m fit fete teoU frwu tShslr money fur y e w t» « bb ». STtrj^tdy-bhotJd k a e i - t f U. r e t If there fenny reader who d o * nut let us adviw hlm to beware ot letters purporting to come f r o n t Spanish priest, totting of great treat ores to be found at such and such i place provided a spall sum of money be,advanced for necessary expenses If he yield to tho promptings of eva rice he will never see the color of bit money again. Like the ghlnko tree the Spanish priest and Ids buried treat ure are non-existent They belong t< the green goods and gold brick ordei of architecture. The downy bird wll none of them. An association has beeu formed for the purpose of compelling employers to pay women the same wages that are paid to men for similar work. There are no women In the associa tion. A New Euglaud man Is suing to re cover 9300 damages for the alienation of his wife’s affections. If the court has any sense of the fitness of things it will make him pay the other fellow for winning her away. A curious instance of the westwtrf drift of the country’s population ap pear* la the lateet report of the Pen slon bureau. Tbe official report* ol tbe War Department for 1881-’68 ebon that New York led In the number o) troop* furnehed; Pennsylvania cami second, ano Ohio third. The quotas o) the respective State* In the ordei named were 467,097, 866,107, and 810, 660 mem On the pension list this o r der Is exactly reversed. Ohio has thi most pensioners, Pennsylvania standi next, and New York Is third. Then are 106,627 pensioner* In Ohio, draw Ing 915,456,000; 104,681 In Pennsylva nla, drawing 912,470,706; and 87,627 It New York, drawing 912,008,864. 111! nols stood fourth lu the number ol soldiers furnished, and it also standi fourth lu the number of pensioner* though Indiana Is fourth In the amoum received for pensions. These changes may he traced entirely to natural ant legitimate causes. It 1* nothing agalusl Ohio that It leads In the number of Iti pensioners. If It has usurped the plan that apparently belonged to New York It Is because there has beeu a steady drift westward of population since thi war, and enough of the Merans oi soldiers’ widows have moved from New York and Pennsylvania Into Ohio to cause the change. The westward movement of the veterans explains why Kansas has now twice as many pensioners as It furnished soldiers. It’ seems that tbe word ''appendici tis” I* not to be found In the most ambitious of recent dictionaries pub lished In England. It looks from this aa If the complaint In question were more or less confined to themselves. Poor Iso, the noble red man, has been ctvIUaed at last, and dawn’ll breaking for the Indian. Fifty Osage savages I a,-Oklahoma have filed petitions lu voluntary bankruptcy. The next step will be to elope with the funds of a savings bank. It Is doubtless an ludlscretlon tor a public man to say privately what would cause trouble If spoken openly. But the man who gives to the world what has been said to him In private confidence commits something more than an Indiscretion, and little less than a crime. There Is such a thing as getting on tbe right side of a tornado, the right elds being the north side. The rule drafted by meteorologists Is to face the approaching cloud and then flee to the right. Take refuge In a cellar or care, throw yourBelf on the ground and cilng to a stake or stump. This Is the sureet mean* of escaping or sur vlvlng what as yet no human power can mitigate or prevent Great Improvement In public roads Is sure to attend and follow the multipli cation of automobiles. One writer pre dicts that ‘‘before the end of 1000, the total mileage of macadam and asphalt will be Increased by fully 100 per cent.\ More than 9800,000,000 Is said to be pledged already to the manufacture of this clans of vehicles. Till the storage battery I* perfected and cheapened, the means of propulsion are practically limited to gas engines and petroleum products. The Jains of India agree with the Buddhists In disallowing those Brah- manlctl ceremonies which Involve the destruction of life. Being rigid veg etarians, they take extreme pains not to injure any living creature. They may drive a snake out of the house, but they spare Jts life. A rajah or prince of this persuasion ssys: \We endeavor to avoid even green vegetables, under the Ides that cutting tbe plant may hurt it We would not needlessly pluck a leaf from a tree, lest the tree should possi bly feel pain.” Similar was the super- atltioa of a klndergartner, who taught the children that when It was neces sary to poll up garden weeds, they should be carefully replanted in some ether place! According to Chambers’ Journal M. Jasbert has solved the problem how to provide s person placed Is s con fined space with the practical means •f preparing a respirable artificial air ueeesaaiy for life. The Chemical sub stance which he has discovered will purify the vitiated air of Its carbonic add, its'Watery vapor, and all the ether Impurities af exhalation, and will also restore to him In exchange just the quantity of oxygen be requires. Experiments by the French Admiralty aar* confirmed his assertions Six to eight pounds of the new chemical will insure l»e to an admit for twenty-four hour* In s diving bell or submarine host ___________ The homely but expneefv* maxim if fhe sporting feat that * a tucker h hers every minute” daily receives ex S fM riflim , together with the eoroL • iaty feet that a teg * percentage of ftn'*feM!fcuc** ****** ■»■*—*♦» and ac- - \ iip u m m e y mm uf which ttey may be v-dmlmfcfi. On no odwr theory a m w* tfce nurvhrri e f the \Spate From a published statement It ap pears that lu eight Chicago high schools the number of pupils entered at the be ginning of this school year was 5,680, of whom 1,483 were boys and 4,081 were girls—2,604 more girls thau boys, or only four boys to every eleven girls. The Chicago Chronicle goes on to say that It may be stated as a partial com pensation for this excess of girls that the attendance of the English high and mauual training school was 630 boys and young men and no girls. But re garding tbe manual training as equlva lent to the high school, we sllll have go excess of 2,084 girls, or more than twice as many girls as boys. This fact sug gests the question whether the glide are not being educuted away from the boys, so to speak, to a serious exteut. Tbe boys are taken from school at an earlier age than the girls and, It Is to be presumed, set to work lu occupations not requiring Instruction In the high school blanches. Is It well that so many of tbelr sisters receive bo much more scboollug? Do not the latter ac quire tastes and ambitions and Ideas of life unfitting them for the relation of marriage with the less cultivated young men! This Is uot a question which can be answered positively without mueb more Information than Is conveyed by the school statistics alone. It may be that many more of the boys than of the girls pursue special studies after leav ing school to qualify them for the work la life which they uudertake. If so, these special studies may compensate Lay to It with her eytlldsetoMid— He saw her there, With wildly betting heart -he’ atol* ' Up to bn tide t And softly to her ripe, red Upe fit* own applied. He klsaed hetrrklaaed the gentle ifitld, Bo fair, to sweet. And with n tumult in hit breast Beat a retreat At length the slowly straightened up. With open eyoa: \He took -but one,\ sbt said and sighed A lot ot sight. —Ohlcago Ttmes-Herald. fcftMMACW MMftCf*****1 Little Kittle Kenyon. HEN Tom Alnslle'i cousin Maud announced her engage, most to WUUama, the rich leatherman's eon, every one gasped and then said; “Wonder how Tom likes It!\ Tom wondered a little himself, lie had long beeu devoted to bis cousin Maude, ever since he could remember, In tact, and he had always had a vague idea that at some Indefinite time they might \make It a go together.\ it would have been a couvenjent thing for them bolh, for she would have brought Ollffton back luto the family, and Tom bad the money she lacked. “But I waeu't worth while,\ sighed Tom to himself, pityingly, leaning back lu his chair and stretching his long legs toward the fire. \I’m sur prised that 1 don't feel worse. Always wne fond of Maudle, apd It would have beeu a ulee thlug all around. Hope Williams is al right for her. Always faueied the beggar myself. Aud It seems I’m the best man. Beastly nul- sauce; all girls and froeks and weddlug cake. I'll have to go through with It, though, for Maudle'B sake. And little Kittle Keuyou Is to he tuald of honor. She has never beeu deeeut to mq; seems to bear me a grudge. Little Kit ty Kenyon,\ aud Tom sighed agalu aud puffed his clgarelte. The wedding wiub to take place at ouee, and a church rehearsal, with supper at the bride's home, had tieeu planned for the evening before. Tom arrived at the lust woipeut, Just lu time to reach the altar as the proces sion came up the church. First the ushers, then the six brldemulds, who walked stiffly, as If with the weight of nations on tbelr shoulders. Tom’s eyes twinkled as he watched. On they came, these pretty girls, sobered be youd their usual wont. \First time in her life Elsie Yates hasn’t danced along,” Tom thought. \That Ashtou girl Is so ugly. «h, by Jove— \ Tom’s eyes were fastened upon the small figure of a girl walk lug alone. Such a pretty girl, with great black eyes, that sparkled, and such a graceful girl, swaying slightly In time to the stately music, she glanced tip as she neared him, and a demure look of exaggerated pity came Into her eyes. Then she had passed 1 him, aud taken her place near the bride. \Little wretch,\ thought Tom, lilt ing his lips. \1 always seem to strike her as a Joke.” The short rehearsal was over, and Tom was walking down from the altar wltli'the tiny maid of honor a t bis side. “You’re so far away I can hardly make you hear me, Miss Kenyon. 1 tag feto’ a fcifettyon.' , -;** jm tM tm & w p . m meekly. \Can't y o o h e lpnet? m Because { Eke yon. yon taaw,* In a low voice, “ very, very much.\ -<■ He wm staring at her very hard, aad saw the nee Hat deepen In her cheek. She turned her (boulder toward him. \Mr. Sheldon,\ she called, “yon are neglecting me shamefully. Won't you come over here beside me! Ur. Alne- lle Is -just leaving.” She glanced at Tom out of the comer of her eyea Aloslle got up Instantly, looked at her a moment, then With a quick how crossed the room to his cousin. ‘ “Sor ry, M*udle, but 1 must be leaving, j Williams, I'll see about those tickets.1’ 1 And be was gone. Sheldon sat down with a radiant smile, but after a.few moments his face clouded, aud the radiant smlie was gone. Miss Kenyon evidently did not feel Uke talking. All tho next day Tom could not get her out of his mind. He was angry. \The Impudence of her,” he thought to himself, resolved to iguoro her com pletely. But when he stood with the bridegroom In tbe big church that aft ernoon, and saw her coming toward him In her lovely white frock, bis heart gave a queer little turn aud then seemed to stand still, lu tbe quick glauce be lmd of her he thought she looked a little pale, but so pretty, so wonderfully pretty. As she passed by him she looked up at him a mo ment, but Tom’s eyes were fixed above her head and be never glanced at her. All durlug the reception and supper It was the same. His eyes never seemed to reBt upon her, although he was wildly aware of Sheldon's devo- tlou. But after the excitement of the bride's departure had died away,-Hud almost all hut the house party had gone, Tom came op to her as she stood talking to kiheldou. His mauuer wus as cool as It well could he. qato tfttfcreatsictv*. The head * Instantly towered and the who)* body M toU tarnt w itthtgM At a raarod. Everything About it suggests speed, and it ekims oTer the ground Uke ku arrow .from a bow. How it does It Is a mystery. 1 suppose, as a matter of tact that the .operation la Immensely subtle and compllcgteLaud that the nation Is derived from a series of writhing and contractions, but If ‘so they ere so slight and so swift that the htmjaa eye cannot follow them. I have studied tbe snakes la flight time and again and . I could never see that they deviated a traction of an inch from a straight line.\—New Orleans Times Democrat For Want of a Comma. A British service , Journal recently spoke, In referring to a ntorrlage, ot the bride as “the daughter of Sir Hec tor O’Dowd, commanding the Boolab Ghah district aad Lady O'Dowd.\ Whereupon Lady O’Dotvd Wrote to say that there was some mistake about this, as she was quite s.ure that In the domeetlc circle It was she who com manded. ELECTRIC GUN. Wonderful Invention of ■ Young Oenlne of tbe British lelea The uolseless and smokeless electric guu Invented by Mr. Newman, a young aprestlcc at Whitehead's torpedo fac tory, Euglaud, exists at present only lu ths tluy model weighing seven pounds, which Is figured lu accompany lug Illustration. With this small weapon, however, the Inventor has made very satisfactory experiments, shattering a target a t a distance of a tulle and also at five miles range. The guu has a very high muzzle velocity. It Is said that the lureutor has refused uu offer of 3276.600 from the British Admiralty for his Invention. Meanwhile, he I* carefully guarding his secret while he constructs a model welghlug 100 weight. Mr. Newrnau Is the sou of a for those pursued lu the schoolg by the ! *l#ve xltempted It three times, aud you girls and not by the boys. There Is are uttel'V oblivious.\ some reason to think, however, that whatever compensation of this kind there may be It Is not effective lu bring ing about congenial relations between the sexes later In life. It seems to be the fact that celibacy la on the Increase; that the proportion of old bachelors and She glanced up at him quickly. “Oh, uo, only sad, Mr. Aluelle. I am so sorry for you. You hear up so wou derfully well, too. If you want to cry a little, walk behind that pillar, and I'll excuse you to the rest. Just for three minutes. No! Don’t need It! old maids to the total population |* You can stand It a trifle longer!” higher than formerly. And If It Is the \What have I ever done te you, fact we may reasonably look for one Miss Kenyon! I’m au Innocent lndl- cause of It In tbe unequal education of I 'Idual who never did you any knowing the seies In tbe public schools and the | berm. Will not your kind and pitying consequent separation of those who 1 heart speak for one who Is only anx might otherwise be happily mated. If such Is the case there Is no obvious remedy. The present course In the mat ter of education la largely a matter of parental choice, and liberty In this re- lous to let you walk on him! And who only succeeds In rousing your nasty, evil little temper!” said Tom In a distinctly melodramatic manner. She looked at him serenely for an spect cannot be restricted. It Is a m a t-' Instant. \Stuff and nonsense,\ she ter for Individual study and uot for State regulation. Chinese P arental Authority. A remarkable event has occurred at Talng-klang pu. A man by tbe name of King had a son who made his father and mother “lose face\ because of the wild, rakish life he led. He gambled, loafed, smoked opium, etc. If be stole, bis father would be taken to the ya- meo and the whole family would suf fer for the son’s villainy, and the vital question was, How could the family be protected! At last they arrived at tbe conclusion ftrat the only way to protect tbe father and mother wax to take ex treme measures with the son, which they did with a vengeance. The fa ther and ancle took him out among tho graves, followed by a curious crowd of neighbors and friends, and, patting a rope around bis neck, each relative palled on the end, u d tbe son was put beyond raining tbe family in this world.—North China Herald. said, and ran off to Maudle, who was calling her. • He managed to secure the chair next hers at supper, though Sheldon had his hand upon the back of It, and scowled darkly at Tom when he sat down. Miss Kenyon looked up with a little etude. \Oh so you are feeling kinder to ward me now, are you not!\ he said, bending over her with the devoted air he had toward women. \Because I want to ask you a question, and I want you to answer It seriously. You will? Well, why do yoa not like me?” The girl gave him a curious little glance and her lashes fluttered for a moment. Then she answered, looking straight at him; BLBC1K1U UUN. iv I see you a moment, Miss Ken he said quietly, looking a t Sbel \VI yon i dim. \Mr. Sheldon will excuse uyr?” said the girl, which Sheldon did, with as I'li-UHiiut au expression as he could muster. They walked through the loug draw ing room to the little rose reception room under the stairs. It was quite deserted. \1 wish to apologize, Miss Kenyon, If I offended you last night. It Is per haps needleBB to assure you that It was unintentional. Will you pardon me?\ He stood before her very stiff and straight and with his blonde head well up. ’The girl wsb picking u rose to pieces. Her Ungers trembled p little. \I am sorry If I wbb hide to you last night,\ she said. \1 assure you It was quite lnteutlonul on my park but 1 was very sorry after I had done It.” Tom moved quickly, \Do you care for that fellow,\ he said, \Sheldon V” \No she whispered, hdr eyes down cast. He hesitated a moment, “Could you ever care for me, little one?” be asked, wistfully. \Because - you know 1 love you, dear. So much so much. I can't let you be so hard to me,\ and Ids voice broke a tittle. “Couldn't you try to love me Just a lit tle?\ She looked up with a mischievous lit tie smile. \You are not the least little bit of a ’Conquering Hero’ now,” she said, and he took her Into his arms. Mr. Sheldon did uot attend the wed ding.-New York Mall and Express. How Snakes Travel. A little knot ot deputies at the cus tom-house were talking about snakes. “I have never seen a satisfactory ex planation of their motion,\ said one of the party, “The text book theory that they get over the ground by fan ning their ribs hack and forth would never be accepted by anybody who has seen a coach whip or bluerscer In full flight. Where 1 was raised, In North IamsSans, coach whip snakes were com mon and 1 have frequently watched them. When not alarmed the snake glides \along with shout two thirds ot Its body extended on the ground and the head and neck raised1 In a graceful curve, like the prow of a ship. There Is something Indescribably smooth and swanlike In Its progress and all tbe motion perceptible Is a slight ripple along the spine. But the moment the coach whip Is frightened U presents Portland grocer. Ills genius has de veloped early, for he is still lu his 20th year. TAKE8 SAM P S O N'S PLACE. Hear Admiral Farquher to Commaud North Atlantic tquadron. The successor of Bear Admiral Samp son as couiuiauder of the North Atlau- tlc squadron main Ids retirement will be Hear Admiral Noruiau vou lleld- relch Farquhtir. Admiral Farquhar eau show a record lu the service of his country that any man might well be proud of, for It covers a period of forty years aud embraces many Instances of bravery and clear heudeduess lu the time of danger. He was born In Pennsylvania April 11, 1840, iiud early showed a liking for a seafaring life. He was sent to the Naval Academy, graduatlug In 1868 aud going at once to the coast of Africa to assist in breaking up the slave trade. During the civil war be was with the North Atlantic bloekudlng squadron as lieutenant. He became lieutenant commander lu 1865, aud commander In 1872 and captain lu 1880. When tbe frightful hurricane swept over Apia, In Samoa, March 18, 1888, demolishing even the most powerful vessels In the harbor by throwing them with tremendous force against the rocks and causing the loss of hundreds of lives, he was In command of the Trenton a t the Pacific station. Capt. Farquhar’s splendid seamanship and presence of mind were shown very strikingly on this occasion, for he ex tricated his vessel from the harbor and put to sea without losing a man of bis crew of 450, while all about him ves sels were being wrecked and men drowned by the hundreds. The Massa chusetts Humane Society swarded him a medal for bis gallant conduct. He was made a member of tbe Light house Board, and later appointed chief of tbe bureau of yards and docks In tbs Navy Department. Cost of Ship Ropes, The ropes on a first-class man-of-war cost about 315,000. r“ \ . , * . . L ZLlg,.! __ ... . ...... \ .„r.r » * * T ; t v u HUMOROUf PAIWaitAFH8 FROM 7HE OOUK3 PAPER* Fteoaast • X o d d est* OecarrUg tfcf Verid e n x - l u | s | i t k a | Are Cheer- AU te Old ox TeuqA-Vuwr •elec tion* that Kversrbodjr WUl Exjox. Htcks-There are some summer girl* who are constant There's Sadie Small, (or example, She kept com pany with Fred Dunman all the win ter. Wickn—Yes; and they nude love to each other furiously; but what of that! It wav only In remembrance of their country flirtation last summed A sort of souvenir spoon, so to speak.-Bo*toa Transcript. Always In Evidence. \I never lose my temper,\ cried the little wife. \No \dear grumbled hubby, “I wish you would.”—Tit-Bits. Cool In Dasgvr. She—Tell me, when you were In tbe truiy, were you cool lu the hour of danger? He—Coo)? Why, 1 shivered.—’Tlt- Blts. lust I’kluk of It, Tommy Scroggins- I'd hate to be dat two-headed hoy a t de museum. Jtinuile wSgglus-He has lots o' fun. Tommy Scroggins—I kuow dat, but Jos' t’luk o' bavin' two (aces to warsh. —Ohio State Journal. t?AYilVa FIELD TELEGRAPH WIRE TO 5AN FERNANDO, IN THE PHILIPPINES. A Rodent Wtre-WalSer. There is a rat In Memphis which gives a slack wire exhibition every evening. He gives his performance at about the same time each evening, and he generally has quite a crowd out to see him. The rodent crosses Front street every evening sbont 780, walk ing on t telegraph wire. He has dons the trick fifty times or more, u d seom* perfectly at home on the high wire. Women as Bailor*. Women saltom are employed In Den mark, Norway and Finland, and they are often fond to be moat excellent and delightful morlnern. * Vtrgtala SsdWMa In the Tfetnfcy of Norfolk, Vo., about 1JSM warn to devoted to the cnltsrt of n d tobn Itoegto e f t n any, “The deder n y e ,\ ■* on no, a* thong* Oct settled f t a doctor knowa very fitfi* m e than the natdCtoL \ There was on* department of the army, not of the Hoe, nor exactly of the stsff, that did not fail in any emergency in the war with Spain and In the subse quent war we are waging In the Philippine!. That was the Signal Corps. In Cubs, In Porto Klco and in the Philippines, the signal men and officers covered themsetvae with glory. The field telegraph followed close to the firing line, and the general in the rear could keep In touch with tbe center and both wings of his force, and hiving the best of Information from all parte, he eouid give hia ordmintelllgently. It requires even more nerve to lay telegraph lines under 7thi^sp»fitht nnder fire. . to toM htoto M i l » veey Urn M t o t o very t o r « tg M ! m ttH fcC rtfe. n » it o k F « c I \be leitoe I . — Hie Vacation, \What do you Intend to do fona va cation this summer?\ “Seud my wife uud family outief the city.”—Chicago Post. Kxtrcme Old Age. The Scrlhe-Aud to what do you a t tribute your extreme old age? The Ceutcuui-lau-I’iliiclpally to the i time I have lived. Like the A d m iral. Mr. Stubb-Jolm, Is that you coming home al such uu uuearthly hour? Mr. Stubb- Yes, M-Msrla; the club had u little D Dewey toast to-night. Mrs. Stubb Well, you remind me of Dewey. Mr.Stubb lu w-wliat way, M Marla? Mrs. btubb A loug time coming home. The Men Who Would Be Boss, ‘Tut me lu Washington,” said the egotist, \and I'd show you how to run the Philippines.\ \The Philippines don’t run,\ replied the bystander. \It’s tbe FiMpInos that run; hut you coaldu't run them by stay lug lu Waabiugtou; you’d have to go to the front.” Hwr d U m m ange to;'**f fhyehgh thafexowd to qnlckOy t M took me matly a s t e n . Vrows-Yqa remember jhot cigax yes gave me thia morning! Josee-Yet, but— Brown-Well l was amoklog lt- Ohlcage Neva. Caav* of Vecetleae, Jimmie—Ain’t it good ot 4* echool board to abut up d* tcbooly Is summer so we cos Save a rest? Tommy—Aw, dat ain’t d* reason Dey hotter give de teachers a ebanct te' learn some more.—San , Francisco Examiner, Dead Broke. Btubb—He looks all broke up. Where did be spend his two months’ vacation) Penn-At Monte Carlo, W*U Pleased. “And how did you feel when you came back and found a man working lu your place?” \Ob 1 felt relieved.” ^ ' Behind the Bceaee, \Ye goda!” exclaimed Rowland R&ntts, as be peered through the peep hole, \we have au alms asylum to night.” The sweet singer stared blankly. \1 don't understaud you, Mr. Uuutt*. Did you say we had au alms asylum?” \Yes or, In other words, we have a poor house.” In < htcago. She (musically Inclined)—What Is your opinion of W-agner's works? He—Never saw them; but l don’t suppose they are In It with Pullman's.” The Professor's Opportunities. \She told Marne Simpson that the professor said she looked Uke a Ureek goddess.” \Where did the professor ever see a Greek goddess?” \Oh he knows lots o' foreigners. He's teaching a Sunday school class down to the dago mission.”—Cleveland 1‘lalu Dealer. G e tting On. V \Doue anything yet?” asked tbe fond father, who proudly speaks ot his young son as a coming lawyer. \Oh yes. I succeeded In having my rent reduced, and have a fine bunch of accounts against you for collection, I'D get there.\-Detroit Free Press, Hush M l B a ring Al t, , Taking No Cbnncee, The domestic man rang the boarding house bell. Mrs. Skinner ctuie to tbe door, spoon In hand. \Maduuie do you take children?” \Do I take children, eh? Ah, yes, I know you. You are oue of these hired detectives. If I said 1 took ehlldren you'd Implicate me In the kidnaping wave tlinl'a going over the country. But I’ui too smart. Now, you git!” The Higher ( rltlelxna. The Parson-W bat do you think, Brother Hotspots, of de theory dat Adam wuz a nigger? Brother Hotspot*—Ef he wuz, Pah- son, dat apple must a been a water melon. CollMoa Inevitable. Passenger—Porter! What was that shock? Has there been a collision? Porter—Spec* so, boss! Two stout te ’men tried to pass la de aisle. Her Little Joke. \Your father'* cane,” groaned the lover, \came down on me with such rapidity that I thought a cyclone had •truck me.\ “Well, It was a hnrry-cone,\ ventured the sweet girl. And yet they say girls have no sense of humor. OheOient to th* Letter, Bobble’s mamma—Now, mind, Bob by, If they pass you the cake a second time at the party, yon most say, “No, thinks, I've had plenty,” and don't you forget IL Hostess, »t the party-Won’t Bobble have some more cake? Bobble (who hasn't forgotten)—Nope, thanks. I've bad enough, on’ don’t you fergft ft!—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Sight te HI* Use. Ftrat crook—Jimmy ain’t got enough spunk. He tikei thing* off people. Second croek-Dnt’a hto btx. He's n pickpocket _ _ _ _ _ ifaercfee. ' “We have waited d e re a mSes ttos sold one The Veteraa-There Is one piece of music that always moves me to tears, recalling as It does the rashest and most daring act of my life. She—Ah, some Stirling martial air, I presume. The Yeterso-Not exactly. I mean Memlelssohu's \Weddlug March.” Jove of Chopping, Husband (wearily)—Well, how are you getting on with your shopping? Wife—Oh, splendidly! Let me see; we've beeu to fifteen shops and I haven’t bought a thlug yet.-Tlt-Blts. Poor Baslneie. \How Is Burloyne getting on In the butcher business?” \Very poorly, 1 bear. They ssy he does so Httle that he can't afford to kill more than half a cow at a time.”—Tit- Bits. , Wanted to Be Core, \Johnny called the Throop street lady, “run around to tbe cigar store aud see If the score's In yeL” \I’m surprised,” remarked her vie itor, “to see you take so much Interest In baeeball. 1 don't evea understand the game.” \Neither do I, dear. But yon see 1 want to ask George for a little pin money. If tbe Chicago team won. I'll ask him tbe minute be gets In the door. If they lost, I'll ask him tomorrow, or maybe tbe day after,” Self* V video t, Mrs. Snooper—I wonder If H 1* true, ss Dr. Jacobi says, that the baby of to-day baa a better chance of living, than tbe baby of fifty years sgo? Snooper—Certainly It Is. The baby- of fifty years ago is half a century olffi now,—’Tit-Bits. Old Bemptaery Laws. The sumptuary laws that were p a ir ed In the Middle Ages are quite for eign to the spirit and temper of the nineteenth eentnry. They aimed at keeping each within hia proper sphere, by fixing limits to the expenditure of citizens upon apparel and other per- sofial concerns. A complete ached ole of tbe clothing that should be worn In every class of society was prescribed In the act of the third year of Ed ward IV. (1464). Apparently as ex cess In attire sprang up that had not been provided for in thi* act, for an other one followed in the ensuing year, prohibiting tbe wearing of shoe* with long-peaked toe*. Tbe picture* of the people of the EHaabethu age depict what many would consider uu artistic taste to apparel, but which was looked upon a t that tlato aa a excets, and caBed f or a prodauMtioa CU80J against breed ruffs, tong cloaks cud swords, smd toogspAes oaths bosses of shhddi. —1Th* CantoS. /
