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About Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.) 1898-1915 | View This Issue
Big Hole Breezes (Jackson, Mont.), 08 Dec. 1899, located at <http://montananewspapers.org/lccn/sn83025326/1899-12-08/ed-1/seq-2/>, image provided by MONTANA NEWSPAPERS, Montana Historical Society, Helena, Montana.
m m r )0L ' ’-v * * * - £ £ ' _____________ _________ * toawW^:,ss~'urvainnlteheiir f i W ~ Put ’ M f f i f a f r * * * . « * * « Jt- U lc MM w to to* honokoa corrlag* -••A «K too* riooa « t l B p w » w t » w# •n r t e n th* wtadteoa yacht net. ! Whateror tho M a r* o* arbitration • mw ta Vroaauata win t e n ton crowd than m r lor brilevtag to It* afflcacy. ■ Tfcay ora W T rich M who oro tech •t yocht racing, and J«t it1* evident whoa it com* to aoa* thine* oron they eon’t rotet the wind. Unftf+t o( hygian* now xwommeAd that oalt bo rubbed on the head. Tbl* would i r ’ *D unuaually appropriate H ijtlfitrin O caMl 1 Form to* a society tor alck and Indi cant pugttteta peane coming to their aid when they drop out add not when they are merely put out It la unethical and hnproleealonal tor a phydclaa to hare a big card in the ntws paper, but he can hare a* big/ a *ign over hi* office door at he like*. . II... An Daitarn medical aoclety la very aathupteatlo orer goat* lymph aa a cure (or fcaffitfty- The ordinary todlvldual Witt he dlapoeed to try goat's milk a Whll* la preference. # Electricity I* now eald to ba stored In cape idea and taken Inwardly. As a farm of light nourishment It would ■eem to have advantagei over the can dle Idea of the Busslant. wa>»hilna*< 1ra w*Oy avoided. L a , dent tevo goTframant Butmanharoapan* ?e*e tewpekR* a»d War te W* with* ont Eg purpooo that no otter man* could aocomplteh. hfarriago l i a aoc- aaahy to bo used and not abused tor the preeerretlou of the aodal ayatern and ao la war. Money serves a pur pose ted to doe* war, and eo long a* those purposes are neceeaary to be served, eo long wlH money and war be necessities. The need of govern ment In undeniable, notwithstanding that It la traquently attempted to deny lta need and war la at times as essen tial a* govenupent. The Tolstoi mil lennium baa arrived several centuries ahead of time. It ha* taken the Oubena just nine month* to acquire the gnat American habit of striking. No one seems to know how long It will taka them to ac quire the still greater American habit of hustling. Tho \smart boy\ stock la below par nowaday!. Admiral Dowey barely got through tbo naval academy at tba foot of tho cUaa. And Oapt. darter, In pria* oa for ombeaalemeut, passed West Point with the highest honors ever given to a cadet. t Budyard Kipling's house up In Brat- tteboro la for sale, which la taken as aa Indication that be baa finally given up hli purpose of reetdtug In America, •till the great glory of Vermont will abide with her. She will still be the native State of the great admiral Oyetere of fine flavor, and aometlmea growing to tho length of one fool are found at Veto, one of tha northern Isl ands of Japan. Looking to tho future food supply, fifty barrels of these bi valve# will be planted In the tidewaters of Oregon and Washington, by a private company, acting on a blot from the Na- Uonei Flab Oommleatou. Let to* Fa- < rifle «oaat get ready to smack It* tip* in the twentieth century. But think of ordering one oyeter for two persouil ' \Perfectly\ and \awfully” are two of She bardeet worked and worst used iwords in the English language. They areapplied hundred*of times every day to things that are far from perfect, and that Inspire no feeling of aw*. If peo ple wifi uee strong terms on weak occa sions, and exploit their superlatives .when even sub-poeitlve degrees of com- parleon would cover the ground, what raouroaa of speech will be left to de scribe reel excellence and sublimity, or m l wrongs and tragedies? The pardon of Captain Dreyfus by She French government undoubtedly brought to a definite close, no far as Ju dicial proceeding* are concerned, *11 octtoO oa tbo part of tho unfortunate low, or oh the part of hie friends. Nei ther la aay case pending, and probably M caw con bo made up, which will per mit the taking of further sworn evl- danco touching the guilt or Innocence of the accused man. He hea legally been pronounced guilty; but by the pardoa he la morally pronounced not ■twllty. The' “extenuating circum stances\ found by the court martial contradicted the formal verdict of the court, for there can be no circumstance* that extenuate treason. The govern ment complete# the contradiction by pasrdentag the mu. If he were gutity hte oCeaee was so greet that a pardon could not bo merited. With a moral vin dication Dreyfus must ho content The clvlUaed world believm him innocent The Treasury Department Is prepar ing to ieio* several mUltons of note*, $L |2 and $0 in denomination, and all of a new and more artistic pattern than the present Issue*. The notes, however, wl# not be constructed sole ly from an artistic point of view- the qualities of durables*** and diffi culty of being counterfeited always being kept In view. As to the new de- ilgns the Boston Transcript give* this description; “ About 80 per cent of the lurfact of tb* new bills on both sides will be left blank—firstly, in order to show the fibers of the paper better, and secondly, because this arrange ment bring* out the engraved design* more vividly and clearly. One trouble with the ‘art note*’ 1* that their de sign* confuse the eye, making It ac tually more easy for a counterfeit to pas*. The paper money about to be Issued, on tbe other band, la almost severely plain. An eagle with out spread wing* Is the principal orna ment of the face of the $1 silver cer tificate, a portrait of Lincoln being en graved beneath It. The figure T and tb* treasury seal are In bright blue and both seal and denominational number will be of this color on all of the new certificate*, so that tbe latter may be distinguished at a glance from United State* notea and bonk notes. The $2 certificate has a head of Wash ington.\ The Idea the engraving ex pert* have had In mind In preparing design* for the new notes Is that they may be made handsome by a few scat tered fragments of design very elabo rate and difficult to counterfeit. Hence the new hills will have comparatively simple pattern* on their backs, but the geometrical lathe work will be very or nate and elaborate In Its traceries tu order to prevent counterfeiting. few to attest the days At* afways full of pseov And la a bundled Irot w*yi Tb* r a w of fife decrease; ** T t e teW aw attend ttp romw WttkMoekt and top* sad trap*; - No marble* lit apoa tke floor, ;-j But are we happier thaa before?— £ Ah, well, perhapa—perhaps) ' | Since W1U1* goes to school the cat Lie* dosing la her nook;. Thera are uo startling screeches that Mah* all the neighbor* look. Hit playthings are all piled away, ^ No hooka bestrew the floor. But 1 have found a hair to-day. Deep-rooted, (listening and gray, ” That hid itself before. v ✓ Since Willie ioe* to school I hear *•'_ No pooudlnk on the atalrs, Nor am I called to help my deer Make horses of the chairs; A sense of peace pervades the piece, And 1 may be a fool To shed the tear* that streak my (ace. But a boy Is la my baby’s place, Since WUHe goes to school. —Chleago Tlmes-Herald.- ................ Fake Detective*. \When a criminal or a wltneaa during some case says that he saw a detective standing at a certain corner the public open* Its mouth wide and haw-haws until lta sides ache,” remarked a de tective. “When It Is told that a whole army of fake detectives are specially kept to be seen It will probably half abut lta mouth and strain Its eye*. Yet such la the case. “Many year* ago It was found that the beet way to capture a criminal red- banded was to let blm think he knew tbe police. So when a new mao la taken Into the detective service he gen erally has to act bis part He makes himself conspicuous In some way In order to draw the ‘victim’*’ attention to him while the real detective works, metaphorically, behind his back. Tha fact that this system has been, and still Is, followed by every country, both Europea* and otherwise, that ba* a police force Is perhaps Its best recom- medatloa\ lltuh Booty. In 1739 when Delhi was sacked by Nadir fihajh, after he had defeated the Moguls at Karnal, 10(1,000 of the In habitants Were put to the sword and treasure vtat carried off to the value of at least 1760,000,000. Some say the value wes (1,600,000,000, and ont Writer sajii 18,000,000,000. Again, when Alexander the Great overthrew Darius, tbe Persian, Babylon opened Its gate! t<j tbe conqueror, who ob tained, though without plundering the city, enonious treasures that had been collected by Darius. Three weeks later at Sum be seised 160,000,000. A little later Persepolls, a magnificent city, and the favorite capital of Darius, was capture^ by him. The place was sacked and the great palace bnrned. Tbe plunder, obtained Is said to have been worth >140,000,000, and included enormous stares of gold, silver and precious stones, boarded up there by the Persian monarch*. rjrpH EY were very like, this father j r sod daughter. Lisile was his * * youngest, and although ahe had attained the age of IS, she was still childish In her ways. The judge placed hie hand tenderly on the little curly head. “Where has my little daughter been1/'' “Oh, 1 have been up to the hall talk lug with the housekeeper and wander ing through tbe great rooms, and, oh, papal she really took me Into the beau tiful conservatory, and I saw such lovely, flaming passion flowers, and the groat, creamy, magnolia blossoms, and, dear me, I can't tell you of all the lovely things.” She was suddenly stopped by seeing a gentleman approaching from the op posite side of the road. . . - “Mr. Kay, I believe?” t The Judge bowed. “Agent for the St. Leon place f “l’es, sir.\ “1 came to see you In regard to It, and— \ “And you are Mr. St. Leon's confl dentlal clerk, Mr. Hartley! 1 believe 1 received a letter from him to-day In forming me that you would arrive this week. Yes, yes; come right up to the house and we will talk over the re pairs. Shall we begin them Imrnedl atelyT” • • * * * • » “Papa, you don't mean to say you have brought him home—a confidential clerk? You know there aye the beat rooms to be papered and cleaned, and our pink dresses to be made, against Herbert St. Icon's arrival. Well, shall see that he Is put In the little room over the kitchen. He will never know the difference,” and Blanche sank back In a studied attitude on the sofa, wondering If handsome Bert St. T wisa to sti too a mastcb , toons uaw.” 1st ebargtng tbe Grand Jury of New ark, N. J., Which had before It two easts knvolvlng tbe crime of man- ■teughter la connection with fatal bl- eyd* ooWelooe, Justice Depot stated pwpotttVju* of general tote*eat. After deflring criminal negligence to be each, la the management or la the speed of tb* wheel aa shows a reck tees disre gard of hestra life, he printed ont tint tea plea of eosstribatory negligence e* • dafenee baa no application to cane* af this kind. That Is reserved for civil “No matter.” mid the Judge, “ the man who Is Injured mmr ho, If from the result of the ta- Jorion death same*, If the Jurors find I * whens act that death t n i earned wan gaftty of criminal negligence, as ay he fioand. became fib* •tenet a f fite law Is to protect hetman The second point • by the New Jersey Judge la that : aroM rapeiMfbq-1 •fir t e tho d a te that he nag Ha bte, teas 1 hte whtetlt aria any ether way Raakla end Bicycle Roll* In the present abatement of the cycle crane and the revival of walking, a letter from Buskin written to a friend In the midst of the bicycle rage la In teresting rending. The aage of Brant- wood declared: “I am prepared to spend all my beat 'bad language’ In reprobation of bl-, tri , and 4-, 6-, 6-, or 7-eycl#*, and every other contrivance ,mm«diatelyr and Invention for superseding human feet on God’s ground. To walk, to ran, to leap and te dahee are the virtues of the human body, and neither to stride on etllto wriggle oa wheels nor dangle on rope*. Nothing in the training of the human mind tilth the body will Leon would fancy her lovely pink tuorujng drees that ahe had made for his special benefit. The doer of the dining room was ajar, and Mr. Hartley, standing before the fire In the little parlor, bad beard It all. “Mr. Confidential Clerk, you are cry ing.” and Little pushed tbe white kit ten from her lap and came over to hta side. “I am sorry you heard them, but nevsr mind, I’ll be your friend.” “Your friendship Is very dear to me, my little girl.” “I’m not a little glrit I was 18 last week.” ‘Tardon me, yotmg lady; bnt can yon tell me something of the hall? What sort of a place 1« K?\ “Little, Little! you are talking far more than la necessary. Go to your ever supersede the appointed way of walking.” A month had passed by. Mr. Hart ley had exchange^ Ala close apart ments over the kitchen for more com modious one* et the village inn, whence he ctlmly superintended the projected improvement* at the hall, and nil the gossip exchanged between himself and Llmle was In the course of her ramble* through tbe fit. Leon woods. And now Mr. Hartley sat la tbe same little parlor where Lhmfe bad first vowed to be hie friend and awaited the Travels of Migratory Birds The distance* over which bird* mi grate vary between wide Umita, tad otlnki, which rear their young on the ' appearance of the Judge, shores of Lake Winnipeg, Canada, and I “Ton wish to see me, Mr. Hertley V go te Cuba and Porto Rico to spend “Yea, sir. I cam* to ask you for the tb* winter, twice traverse a distance ' hand of your daagbter-yonr Unit exceeding X800 mice, or more then a Lisle. 1 love her more than my life, fifth of the drcnmferaace of our earth, i Judge Bay.” each year. The klagbbd lays It* egg* ( “Yea cannot hare her! No, Mr. I ■a far north u the 57th degree of MB- look for eosaething higher fer my tude, and 1a found la the winter In daughter than a confidential dark. If South America. _Th* Weitnlel pilgrim- that te tB. 1 Md you good evening.\ ■geo of tee litfie redstart exceed 8,0091 Next night the Judge rod* steeriy Sea and the flay humsatng-htrd 2jna home to dinner, feeling a presentiment be Inquired of teo eoay dia- m tteS 'fw S iE t e if to Mr^ HarE«y> 1 tevo it la«ot wrong, for ftdead I do love him very much.” AatefloMad the note with stem (na turae a light step <?0*ttd the thresh old, and Ltestt'a arms wore around hte sock; the confidential clerk standing at the door with a face whero pride and Indomitablo resolution struggled for tec mastery. “Pap*, forglv* us!” “I’ll tee you hanged first!” roared the old gentleman. “Begone, both of youl Reg, starve, but never come to me for assistance!” \Oh papa,\ pleaded Ltesle, \I want to explain.” “I won’t hear you.” \Be It ao,” said the clerk; “come, lit tle wife, we have each other left, you know,” and they went from tee house. Blanche wa* just coming out of hys terica when there came a ring at tbe bell and a gentleman bearing a for eign-looking carpet bag wo* ushered ....................* 1 In. i r ► \la this Mr. Ray?” The judge bowed. \ ’ “I* Mr. St. Leon here?” ' , “Mr. St. Leon, sir, la In Paranham, Brazil” “1 think you are mistaken, sir, a* I have been Informed be la at this mo ment In his native village.\ “Herbert St. Leon at home and not send word to me, his agent? I must go to the hall Immediately.\ pr wteMnir tek ^ of hte InfntoatlM. although, la jtetira bote to tfio nteoe and to tha iodic* monOOMd. it afiagM te stated that tee relations- o f teg prince to them won purely platonic. * Just boot th* woman who monopo lises the graatest abate of te* princes attention Is Mr*. George Keppel on* of the moat beautiful of te* younger matrons In tb* society world. 'Mrs. Keppel comes from one of the rid arle- toerstio families of BngUud, being a daughter of Sir George Edmonatone, who died a few yean ago. Tbe gos sips of society say that te* long-suffer ing Princes* of Wale* ha* been driven to desperation by tbe conduct of ber husband with Mr*. Keppel Naturally, society divide* Itself Into two camps, one for the prince and tbe other for the princess. The first says that the prince I* a much-abused man, declares that his wife la unreasonable, and bints teat she te \eccentric If not la- sane. The friends of the princes* re tort that ^ihfttever might Uate beea the excuse* for the conduct of the prince In former years, they should not apply now. In his young days a dispo sition to bow wild oata wa* perfectly comprehensible, but those day* are long since passed, and the follies of youth cannot be condoned la the man of 58 and the grandfather. Tbe situation la a delicate and a momentous one. The groat maas of tbe British people sympathize deeply HUMOROMi PARAQRAPH9 FJIOM THfi jOOMK) P A P tft*. - ENGLAND'S ROYAL SCANDAL. HRS. JSMBS BROWN POTTia. MBA LANOTBY. cxHJNTtsa or wabwick . mbs . oboroi xsernt. The lights glimmered brightly from the gothic windows of the hall and winked defiance at the blustering storm without as the Judge raug the bell at the great front door. - “Mr. St. Leon—baa he arrived?” The servant bowed and usbered blm Into a room whose superbly arranged furniture struck Mr. Hay with an In definite Idea of luxury. Lizzie was standing by a tall ala baster vase, that stood In the bay win dow, arranging tbe tropic vines that curled around Its standard, and the light from tbe colored lamps shone down on tbe curly head so dear to the Judge's heart. Tbe confidential clerk stdod near. “1 wish to see your master, young man.\ “I am at your service, sir.” “You are! Who the mischief cares whether you are or hot? I wish to see Mr. St. Leon.\ “Herbert 8t. Leon Is my name, sir.” “You? Well, I thought you were the confidential clerk 1\ I never told you 1 was. You took that far granted, Aa the confidential clerk I wooed snd won your daughter. As Herbert St. Leon I could have gain ed no greater treasure.”-New York Dally News. Strange to Him. Mr. Evans, an artist, had recently re turned from Jamaica—West Indies— and had in his New York studio some paintings of Jamaica scenery. So says tbs Cleveland Leader. One day a man who had been look ing through the studio stopped before a certain picture and asked: “What doe* this represent?” “Thai” said Mr. Evans, “la a scene In Jamaica.” “Jamalcs?\ echoed the visitor. That’s strange. I don't rememt>er ever seeing anything like that lo Ja maica.\ “You have keen there, then, have you?\ tbe artist Inquired. “Oh, yes! 1 Bve there.” \Well you sttrly must lie acquaint ed wKb this place, then. It Is a street scene In the principal town of the 1(1 and.” Tbe man from Jamaica looked at Mr. Evan* for a moment as If be thought he must be deft. Then be said: I live la Jamaica, and there Isn't a street in tbe town that bears the re motest resemblance to that picture.” The mention of Jamaica as a town cleared away the mtet *T eee,” said Mr. Evans, “you live hi Jamaica, Long Island, don’t you?” “Too,” replied the suburbanite. \1* there another Jamaica anywhere f ’ PRINCE ANO PRINCESS OP WALES UcMento 9*rU <te*MfcirfaiitteM AcoCko*** h i to Oli er Yetnor-Feanx keteo Moat that Kwtnrhedte WUl ffinlosw “Oh, George,” wfited tee mojden, aa ■lie mri him In the darkened hallway “ we can’t be marled to-morrow! It wlU have to be potoionedt” * “What la tb* nfitter, darlingr eald George, hi* kntea trembling under him. “Is anyrolitlve dead? Ha* your Uncle Hiram fattd in butkmor “W-woree that that!” she fobbed. \There Is a b-bboll coming on tee end Of my nooet”—(blcago Tribune. A Tkosxhtfat BnabaoA. \You asked ne to bring you aom* pin money thl* morning,\ eald tee young husband. Yea,” she replied, with an air of ex pectancy. “Well,” said be, *1 thought I might ao well save you a trip downtown, so I brought you a paper of pine Ink toad.” —Chicago Tribum. A Mark »t Oapertorttp. “Wherein doe! man differ from tbe lower animals?’ asked tbe profeeaor. And the youth answered, without hesi tation: “He can Vide a bicycle.”—^Washing ton Star. Mims Dollars sad Pounds. “Our fileud, the meat man, doeon’t look as pibeperous as he did “No; te says that during the hot weather »e lost Iota of flesh.”—Phil* delphla Hiliettn. Bar Correction. with tbe princess, whose amiable na ture aud upright and Christian charac ter has made her beloved of all classes. Tbe Queen Is deeply exercised over tho matter, and it Is eald she severely censured her son for his conduct, with out, however, producing any change In ' lug of being marled by one -Detroit “ Mrs. Maycup laklway* well dressed, Isn’t she?\ “You meau shewears well?” -Moon shine, Tho Divorce's Marriage, Mrs. Jones—If the clergymen best tsted, why dldu'lyou get a civil mag istrate to marry you?’’ Mrs. Brown—Q. I couldn’t think of It! It's bad enotgh for a person of a deeply religious isture to have to be divorced by a uglstrate, to tty noth his habits. Before the Princess of Wales left England for Copenhagen she s|ient three hours with the Queen at Osborne, and there detailed her grievances and the motives that Im pelled her to the course she had decid ed upon. Tbe prince naturally desired to avoid a formal separation, knowing well the storm of denunciation that would shower upon him from every quarter—a storm that might actually prevent his ever ascending the throne, Hence every effort Is being made to (Pm't you look plhsant when on prevent this, but it Is undeniable that the deepest uneasiness Is felt In offi cial circles over the outcome. Are U v int Apart as* s OrsTs Begat teaadal Is I n praS itg Just now English society te dtecoes- ing no lea grave a nfeject teas tee porolbi* eepexatloB of teo Prince and Princes* of Wtlea. For months pi te* princess has been tb* facet of b family In I>eDmark, and her stay ■ poreotly show* no stem* of coming on end. tome bebevt tent on aero sepentSoB of tee n y i ooapie te i road? te effect while eAsm think to the fenml eeperatloa hM m* yet ti NEW IDEAS OF INSURANCE. Pams Dag Borne Ons Wilt Orgsnlss a Com pang like 1 his. Tbe Insurance solicitor eat in hte of fice In the Rookery, and he wa* abaoh- ed. It takes a great deal to abash an tneurance solicitor, but tbe big man in the opposite chair has been venting hte views. The solicitor had been chasing him for six months for a $10,000 policy, and then, after be had run hte Intended victim into the home office, the doctors had turned blm down. “Told me my liver was out of order,” said the big man, Indignantly. “ Bald I had a murmur In my hmgs, and talked about a sister who died thirty years ago and a lot more rot like that” \AH of which was no doubt true,\ said tbe Insurance man, “but,” seeing that tbe big man was going to flare up again, “you need not get alarmed about your health. Some of these day*, when can’t make more than $6,000 a year at (hte buaineee, I'm going to atari an insurance company on new lines. I wlH take all tbe men that hare been re jected by the other companies.\ “That would be taking big rtek* wouldn’t it?” “I don’t think so. In the first place 1 would charge an extra premium. Then 1 would bank oq human nature. Haven’t you noticed that these big, strong fellows, who ‘never-hsd-a-day’e stokoeoe-ta tny-Hfe,’ go off like a child at the first perlous IBnea*? Beared to death, maybe. Anyhow, If you want to eee tenacity of Hfe, just stady tbe | cane of a man In eh route poor health. I He toke* no fiancee, gBirai '&TmseJf sgaiunt change* of tbe weather, appHe* remedies taotaatly, and tee result * teal while he never enjoy* good health, he prolong* bis fife twice a* long as the healthy fellow who take* *11 kind* of chance*. Insurance examiner* must report on tee phyttcal condition only, and c u ’t make allowance* for lumen nature,but It’s there.”—Chicago Time*. Herald. Journal The fs W e T s » IS*. f “You eau’t Inaglne. how shocked 1 was to discover that nw csldle smoked cigarettes!\ \ \The little uscal!” ‘*Yes, the Scotch alnoet Invariably imoke a plje, you kuow.\—Detroit Journal The Psnslh. Ym look as soir as a pickle. the treet? I’onte Whst! and nave everybody atop me for a latch, or to tell hcv« some pla« la? -fJWPMfirb Lady— Y oj oughr-tSTw. ashamed of youraelf.. The Idea of »ny\mgji«luk a newspaper lor a bed. Tramp lilt’s all rlgt, lady; 'twas one of dest \blanketpheet” Sunday newspapers dat I used * * Afi MwauffiNo f i r t M r n « hte a * , ory, have y w n^tr “» « * qimtka, Mr, 1 coulter an tn- « u t ” UW * 9 J««F to tog omrinoion tent 1 naked If you hnd ever killed a patient?, tthnt j want to know 1* whether or not yon give opiate*.\ A * d There A r e O th e r * Hlx—There li one thing I could never understand about these political glee club*. Dii-And what la that? Hlx—Where the glee come* In. fwoft Revenge. Mra. Greene—How catne you to rec ommend that girl you bad to Mrs. Gray? You kuow you said you actual ly hated tbe girl Mr*. Brown-Yes; but I don’t hate her as much aa 1 do Mrs Gray .‘-Bos ton Transcript Csrrrjis* Out I as true ties*. “Well, boy, did you tell your mlitres* 1 we* here?” “ Yea, elr.\ “YVell—wbat did she say?” “She said I was to aay she had been out for a quarter of an hour.”—Moon shine. A Cotllstos. 8am Sparks—Brudder, (loan' yo’ ad vise eliery member to walk In der nar- rer paf?” Brudder Sassafras-Ooase Ah do, boy; what oh It? Sam Sparks-Nullin’, brudder; only Ah wonders whnt Is gwlne to happeu when some ob onr stout uiembsbs meet on der nnrrer paf coinin’ frum oppo site directions. A Crsrl Joke. Pikes—Billy, de wickedness Sandy of dls world Is appalln’. Billy Ooalgate-YVbat's de matter, now, pard? Sandy Pikes-Why, I went over an’ asked dat lady fer a quarter to get uie hair trimmed. Billy Coalgate-What did ahe sey ? Sandy Plkes -Asked me If I'd have It trimmed wld ribbon or lac*. A Phshsr, Doctor- I)ld you notice the direction on that bottle? Larry—Yls, sor; It Bald “Bliak* well before using.” Doctor-Well, did you obey? Lurry— Yls, sor; 01 shook lulke th' ould boy. 01 hod a chill. ----------------- t-j Aa Object Lssssa- / a “ HuUy gee, BI11I r*tty's faddet caught blm smoking cigarettes!” Weary Willis sad jasty Roads. Weary WlUle-lo yer kuow, I ain’t goto' to de exposjloo next year? Dusty Hoads—l dat possible? What * come over yer, Tl/Hle? Weary—Dat blmed Dreyfus decision —1 can’t stomffh dst—Kansas City Journal Wb/t H* Wasted. “(That klndof umbrella do you want to buy?” “A rainy-toy umbrella.” e n t o t s t t e s n a . “ How about the trust conference?” “It’s great; we had a photograph taken yesterday.” The OerTsr, Cbolly—Me fawteer served In tee army, you know. I Ida—You don't sayl Did he serve ra tions, drinks or newspapers? |teW t«.llra.’ Perplexed, Pearl—Qur, minister has been stand tag-la-(font oT-te^t,gtore for the last hour, I wonder If hs'ta waiting for anyone? Ruby—No; he Just tied two knots tola' morning. Pearl—Matrimonial knots? Ruby—No; handkerchief knots. He Is trying to remember whet bie wife put them there for. Wilting to Give I t Away. Hlx—Say, you want something for that cough, old man. Dlx—No, I don’t. I’ll give it to any one for the asking. Aa Incressa. B&nker-You and th* boy In the ad joining office appear to be good friend*. Jimmy—Yes, sir; we wn* raised to gether. Banker—Ah! Jtmmy-Yep; his boss give blm a dol lar more de same time you did me. K d g lu That Way, “Are you and Mr. Simpson engaged, Kitty?\ “Not exactly, but We bold about six primary meeting* every week.” A Loas-Fslt West. Hoax-1 have just patented en Inven tion that will be of incalculable benefit to the human race. Joax—What Is it? Hoax—A phonographic colter button that wTff ihaki fts own profanity when It rolls under tee bureau. Taking It la Trod*. One of the disadvantage* of doing business by barter te suggested by a story In the Golden Penny. “Doctor,” said n man to Itte medics! attendant, who bad Jaat presented a MU of thirty-five shillings for treat ment daring a recent fflness, “I have
