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Humor in - ta Philosophy! Ip anacare is. lull • By GE00 .G 2fICoarrteht. 1S0 3, b TNE ONE NIGHT STAND. rtuaattnaa coaxes but once a year. tke fellow who discovered that Map mot. as you perhaps had guessed. CalIVOrIliag lightly through his hat. littc. dds how loud is the encore, Large are Ole bouquatta we throw, at will not come back to repeat Is a portion of its rhos/. Ift; irorse than useless to forecast th er Christman for July; Atla s:on might ono expect to its eat and stolid porker* eV% , Arapea the calendar on wings etileosa't. like a magpie, flit; ft I, ootnea at Christmas time, see should mate the beet of It. it lan't like a tolegram, ii‘len't lite the almoner rain dr like a poor relation who May own* In on most any train. Wei much more like a man who has mortgage on your farm and soul, 114. to airmen around Just once a year gather in lals grudging toll. i Aid maybe It la better so, row tether when he foots the bills littlaks one* a year is quite enough Slew all the feathers and the frills, A.A. 'tieing all it. no.rita up, jt, gives when seldom is the data ik a p atotnach and the pocketbook A,Seaaoa to recuperate. Like Curse Like. 1.. BYINGTON. / American Press also - kitten] . of the Magnolia I re- tell -0 d fr / 0 ne contributor a number of manuard :* yts which were replete with good common sense and 1,03- senalug a i , lcurdiness to at exactly the , name of 9 I filo author, which was word Br 0 i jab. Another good name ..'or hiM w c end have- beet% Edwatt Brusque'. :though there WWI a eerier\' \brouFir Aess\--if 1 way be allowed ta Sulu t.9.0 t word—In his writings rather than.' L rilkillehritS. He never came to the ‘3,',11ce, always malting his menu- scr6,0 a, so I never saw lihn. I pictured Wu -I., however, as a blunt soldier, Just Ur _t - man to lead a foilloru hope. All 61.8 articles were at once accepted— tie: it fa, all but one. That I felt obliged ' 0 ;return. It was u story of a woman Xi to had fallen in love with a man to , ehom she was unknown. In order to he with him she had assumed male let- ' tire. It ettkuck me that any one read- '. Mg the story would know without looking at the writer's name that It hod been written by a man. Ilia 1 analysis of the woman's feelings, lut- pulsett, emotions, were ridiculous. In returninga his story I advised him thereafter not to attempt to portray woman, it task for which very few men were fitted, and ho was not one of the few. I was surprised to receive a reply froni him not at all in keepingith 1 6._ the, general tone of his production I expected that he icould toll we to tot the dickens a•od be would in future look for some other medium for his diaries. Instead of that he admitted \What In the world are you doing In there?\ said the horrified one to hi* ,friend, whom he bad discovered be - ;Mud the bars. \Oh taking the rest cure,\ said .the other, with an attempt at 'aoudads. lance. \The rest cure? What for?\ \Well to tell the truth, for arrest.\ a. Liked Ore Changes. \Ile sent his wife south for the win - 'tar.\ \Did she get any benefit from the trip?\ \Yee; the change did her good.\ • \Must have been expensive.\ i • ••11e sent her a one hundred dollar billeance a month.\ \I suppose she got it broken the same flay.\ - 1'etr, the charade atkl her good.\ Self Announcing. \When will you have it piesIdential campaign on in this country'!\ asked the newly arrived Britisher \I do so viaut to see one.\ \Never mind burdening your memory with the date,\ replied the man who bad been throu . gh several. You will hear it when it here.\ Hlah•r Ltarne. When airships are raceasided By, ate balloons that Sy. They can't run over chicken; But wild geese should be shy. Her Weakness. \T can get on the good ride of any 'Rom a n . \ \Flow do you do it?\ \Ask her hove- to cure a cold.\ M is Verily. Philosophy's • comfort, too, in hour of dir- est seed. Provided that It isn't you 'That misery has treed. PERT PARAGRAPHS. A women thinks that if she does all the quarreling her husband should • show his willingness toassist by doing all the making up. Paying for what you get somehow aloes not to insure getting what you peg NURCH TIME. Quaint Ways of the Early Dutch Bat- tlers In the New World. As early as 1059 the Dutch settles' It Kingston, N. Y., erected with their awn bands a little church building and dedicated it the following year. When a regular minister arrived from Rol- land the same year, writes Mrs. Noble Bruer Wallington in \I I istoric Chnrebes Of America,\ he feund hlinscif a doln - Inie with a membership of but el - teen souls and a, halary paid in , wheat, which was then legal teuder aulona these humble tillers of the soli. In 109-1 a bell was imported and gave ouch pleasure to the merubereof the little parish that they used it to an- nouuce the hours for meals for the ilarmers of the neighborhood. The observance of one qualtit l ens- tem as reminiseeot of theft former ate tu Holland—the announcement by the gray haired sextou betWeen....the rinsing of the first and last church- belle that the hour for service had an rived - gram door to door he traveled, 'rap. pad linidir and cried, \Church tinier' Not ices of all kinds, whether of fu- neralet, 'christenings, weddings .Or, ,mer- rymaiOngs, were handed first to the sexton . ,, who in turn gave theta to the 'clerk, \rho stuck them on the end of the in unboollpole which he kept for that p urpose and reached thetb up to the daminie. At tl le termination of the service, as In othiir Dutch churches, the deacons took up the collection with long poles haring little Velvet bags hung on the ends runt a tinkling bell to .wake the steepena to• the responsibilities of a centritintlon, 'THE DUCK - SHOVER.. that he had 'a n d eery little . experaince A Man Who Grr — e Things on the Bounce with WOM eg and should .not have at- While edia sod the Nod. tempted to tread groundkith which An amsming dialogue - occurred -be - he was not familiar. He .ended by tweeii Ju nee Willis, X C,;.arrd a plate ; hoping that his error would not fireju- tiff ivho sued a man for the velug dice - me against any future work he a geenttty of grain supplied, ,; ..„ 5h0',11d submit. Ma honor said he bad received\ e ;when the Spanish-American war letter from the defendaut, who said he came on I wished to secure an article could offer only half . a erewn a Month. on the change In war implements and \That\ continued his honer, take consequently in war methods fence alz years :to get rid of the debt.\ our last previous war, the war be- Plaintiff\ (emphatically)-1 would will- . tween the suites. I had been' so used to considering my contributor, Edward Brough, it soldier that, forgetting that I only surmised this, I wrote him ask- ing him to write the desired article, to etat things very fine in order to get He consented and in due time sent we r shilling: or two, and then time gen- e manuscript giving such familiarity with methods formerly in use—Meth- ods which I had myself been used to as an officer of the deli war—that 1 had no further doubt he bad been a soldier. In acknowledging the receipt of his paper I signed myself -\Your affectionate comrade.\ He replied that be felt repaid in my calling him com- rade for all the work he had put into his article. ' I confess I was rather puzzled at his making so much out of an affair so trivial. I began to be curious to see him. I wrote him that I had a plan in my head for a bit of fiction, and I would like him to do the work except so far as one of the characters was concerned—a woman. Her part I thought 1 should put in myself. asked him to call and talk with me about it the next afternoon at 4 o'clock. At the very hour of the appointment an office boy came to me and told me that a lady was in this anteroom wish- ing to see me. Now, I am very particular about get- ting cornered with women who hove manuscripts for sale. I have found many of thew hard to get rid of. I was expecting Brough every minute and .did not propose to have my eon- sultation interfered with. I therefore told the boy to ask the lady to exuuse me slue° I was expecting a man 'with whom I had an appointment. If she wished to submit a manuscript 'dense leave it. lie took my message and came back to 'say that tha lad3' cid latty forgive a poqr man. htil when 7 - etu find he is a'swanker\ stiff doing every one- In the nelghbertided-it' puts Tear beck - up. [Laughter.] We have , •T come \swanking\ about the coun- rY as if they were toffe, sip told otheren that he is nothing more than I \duck tap:icor.\ [Laughter.] His Honer—A what shover? (Loud 'aughter,a Plaintiff—Duck shover, your honor, a man norm gets things on the balance rind the nod. [Renewed laughter.] His !loner—You mean a min who gets people to let him have things on credit lay representations that are hot correct? Is that what you mean to convey by your big phrasei—duck ',hover and so forth? [Laughter.] Plaintiff—That's It—duck shover and nwank er. [Renewed laughter.] An m•der to pay 5 shillings monthly was naade.—London News. For Husbands. A clergyman took down spud) vol. rc,e. \Thls is called,\ he s structIons of Ptah -ho -T the very oldest p known. It gives aino other things advice to husbands, and that advice is an good today is it ever was. Listen.\ And he read: \'If thou be wise, furnish thy house WW1. '''Woo thy wife ever, and never quarrel with her. \'Nourish her deintily. \'Deck her out, for fine dress is tier greatest delight. \'Feed her upon sweets. \'Perfume her. \'Make her glad with prelim. '\the 'In - It Is one of writings wait. , \'Adorn her with jewels, feathers I waited myself half nn hour for and the akineof beasts as sumptuously Brofigh, and since It did not appear as thy puree will stiffer.\ .. that he would keep the appointment 1 ,r went into the anteroom. There eat a How Much He Thought About Her. dainty little woman from twenty-eight They were on their way to the the - to thirty-two. She might have been ater, and she was trennuloesly happy. either extredm. She felt that the words she longed to \Wleatrceu I dolor you, madam?\ 1, hear would be spoken that night, and asked. ' ' he idea made her almost 'dizzy with Nothing,\ in a soft musical voice. delight. \What can I do fer your \Mr. Sampson,\ she said softly, \why i looked at her with a blank stare, do you wear that bit a string upon \I came to talk with you about the your finger?\ story,\ she added. \Oh.\ replied Mr. Sampson, taking It \What story?\ off, \that was to remind me of may en' \The one inowhich I was to write gagement with you tonight\ e It wasn't much, but it was enough to take Sivertlie ardwartrt London Chronicle. . The First Advertiser. The author looked up from the first chapter of his mammoth \History of . • See off the good you caq is year neighbor and then raise him. No doubt everybody has common teliFe. but It Is plainly inoperative in the great majority. Nothing is law that interested law- yers can't get declared unconstitu- tional. a — Panics may be thrilling, but, tat from tieing filling, they leave a dee* ediy empty feeling. Being unselfish is - a.job that a reale determined man knows better than Id tackle. Tice •Man who . act- uafly • understaada WOThell can generally hir found x wear- ing the latest maree1 wave and a Parts gown, running 's dreasitnakers' areas tion. • ':rho'. matt satiefeetoty Wily to pet th hig\ dieni 5 1d . re Wink iliniebOdg * . r iaXessAns:,,tts I continued the blank !tare. ' • \It you're busy or, --or have forgot- ten it—I know you 'editors haven grefit , deal on your minde—I can collie again.\ \Will you be good enough to toll me, madam, what you have to do with this Advertising.\ matter about which 1- have' written \I wohder,\ be murmured, .\who Mr. tirough?\ '. • could have been the first manufac- \I'm_air. Brough,\ she said meekly, hirer to advertise. It: is an Item that casting down her eyes. • . ..• . would tit In well here.'' \You! Mr. Brough!\ , ', 1 \There is no extant data on the sub - \That's rile name I sign to 'my maann . Sect,\ said the farmer, \hut I have Scripts.\• .1 '7-: • • .. . ' every reason 'to betiewe that the heti \Will +you kindly fell me,\ I said aft- I Is the person ,you are leaking for.\... er, a king pause, \What has been your New Orleans Times-Diernocrat , oh'jeet in keeping me in ignorance of i yeti: ?n us I?\ . . Tho World Moss Oh. Mt/ ' ly reply was a blh, • , • 1 We all bauble thaVestr ,worli IN lui- - T re Is.nothIng more that I care to: portant and that no one can do it hi , tell—at Feist .10thiag.that happened well as we'do, but the World has been then, though tine or Hie points I can constantly 'impreving in spite of the refer to without Indeneacy. sieve_ El. het that every' mandies -at the(end of weed .111iptgeh heir foe liana' Years been a shdrt thee—aetehisen Gluier my wile. The 'eirddinitiofr lies: In her r • ' -- -7--s--s— ..e .• .: steer,. ye:web e woman lovetV a than ' • • •RoseirRemedy. •. 46.'4494 r ivtal :' . 11 that she • Midler—I wit teintiled'IvIth Meetings. pictured herttel anti b teclange to: 1 .tletawake . at eight . beak, eit t er boot All Over Tlif Slate r s Intarosting Bits of State New. Gleaned From Our Exchange* WiilInni H. Stool, 'pump man cew- ployed at Hairier Lake darn, was elec nail:idea last Thursday afternoon. Thi pumps were being dismantisds1 when he accidentally' grabbed hold of 1 two brass bolts which completed tho eirsult. Death followed instantly. Last Saturday while manager Wright, of the Judith Bain Mercan- tile Co., was cutting KM° binenaas from a bunch he lied Jana unpainted, ha discovered a_torantula frisking around in th3 which- lie SW- ceedett 1;t capturing. 01 course 'the buiannas were not, raised in the Jud- ita Bas'n which accounts for the pseselice of this strange and poisonous memberof the sitlides family. --Stan• foril World. - Chris Auk died in the hospital at Butte Thursday. Mick wass' ruck by a lall of ions while at work on the sixth floor of the LAO) Meet of the St. Lawrence mine. As lie WU struck he fell backwards mita pick apd 'the we'glit of the rock earrlecliilin s, that lie was impaled on the sharps steel. A holt was made almost thru Iris' body, and he lived but a few ho,ira. When wanting ann male-. Hal In the Butidlna I lae we are ever reodU to tru and Please Uou We carru the most complete stock in the stfVe and our prIces^ore all rloht. (Alva us a trial, 'P:iones 77 MN - 4m Lumbnr Co, LEO Lewistown WSJ - ifif3JAN f TAILOR All kinde of tailor work Cutting and fitting, cleaning repairing and pressing. Nivi Barber Shop I am alio a practical barber and have opestei s shop in my • building I solicit your patronage. allftM.\ AMBER. F. A. Jones returned • last week fain Wyoming in care of a carload of See W. L. Finith before you place your orders for coal. Re handles the draft horses which were unlow's 1 at Smith Bros. Coal from the New Year the Stanford yards. All the horses Mine. are of good weight and Will go to- wards replenishing the work horses in that viol 'thy. 'Mr. Jones_ had as- sociated with !Lim several other rdncillnen of that. In the en- terprise,_ A cave-in at tho Winn & Dawson colt mine last Monday came near canting Jack WintWone of the owners, ids life, and.resulting in:Itim sustain - trig meny severe bruises and a severe fracture of the left. leg._ While atop ingin the mine a great mass of coal coataining 'Mann tons, dropped. It. L. feel 'Was. called, and reduced the fracture. Although severely bruisedland larcerated, the pat lout Is getting along nicely, much to the r•- V al lief of his many friendk—Stanford, Wot Id. Desert Transfers Attorneys on ho; it sides of the con- tr . tversy are at present . preparing for the final determination by the su- preme court of the United States of the long mooted question, Whether rising to desert land entries. may . be transfered before reclaimation has bean made. The argument of this point in court has been set for Feb- tuary 21st. The question of the ability of an entryman to transfer a desert land entry has been considered by the court before. On the previous- wea- ken the court held that, under the desert land act of 1891 such a right is given the entrvman. It is said that thousands' oilliffeople alto have obtain- ed their land by transfer under the desert land act of 1891 will be sleet. al by the decision. The other day in Des Moines re young man With arraigned for a statu- tory offence on complaint of the par- ents of a fifteen-year-91cl girl, lie!' father went to the ROW' requesting paimission to slay his daughter's set docer. The judge pitiful for the old. mares illiktion, argued with him and sooge kindly. Then the - lather went 'down to the police wation, demand - lag that he be permitted to go lit and saoot the young man in • his cell. About that time the chief of police 'painled tt,e fat liar's.picture. This is what he ssid...\I have investigated the case,\ he said \and I lind you dono littio work 'ito earn m my to support your family. Your wife goes out to work and you have bean loafing down to*ti, leaving this 3outig daughter at home to take Kelsey, foreman of the coal mine night, slept in the ithases during the .113'. NYou let ivelsey buy $00 wen* of clothes for your littl a daughter, a•rd now after your wife has rebelled and tiled charges against the man, yin ClMie down to me ranting about a icolIng hit man attic deferLse- less in jail. You will get IIJ sym pathy of me. There's the door, Go \ N'evr, police chiefs makes abaut as many mistakes as other men, but this chief itinke laci mistake. Ile said it fleVniant as -U.. be said. lie touched -,An the primary condition which led to ruin of the girl. It le a.pity that lie Might not have put the fattier 1:1 a cell adjoining the seducer, and tkia them handcuffed wr:st .to .. widet t) the pauttentiarys Both beineg. there, one under -the , atattibes [ha other s under moral law. I 14 paredta would get the chief's point! oL view of their own responsibilit31 ors.g4s,ts would be et home nights - I than on Vic streets, and 3oung Inch' Wool work days and prowl lea ! midnight.- Forsyth Times. We carry n trig fine of the lastest tater and gdison Phonographs and Records Alw:,rs in stock. ART MUSIC STORE LEWISTOWN Phor4raphs on Payments Farmers Gamble a regular amount of work against what they think weather conditions \ought to be,\ that they will get. a good crop. T:13 ails are about ten to one .and the c Fop' a Failure. CAMPBELL'S SCIENTIFIC FARM-' ER Is a montley mug- sine reporting the results ti 1:1' by Mr. Campbell's several 0 un ion farms, as well d•aling S CULTURE iii n general aid d...tctical . way. Thai evil.) read it Will learn to haadie croaa with j ment and fa;•6;:z!i!, ft:ef thus se ood yields to dry years and d average in iermal years. .rtie regular price of the BEI ENT I IC FARMER is 1.00 per year, . Iva make the renewing Special C!tforiffins Calipbel's Fuller Si ,00. ihe Kena r S2,50, the both foI. $2.50 the \ii'atlier or -iris Country.\- George Washington was able to become first in the hearts of his countrymen be- cause he deserve I this -dietinetion, an! becaual of lila honor and truth, his 'wisdtin ant ju igameat, he arose Wave the intr/s . i s of the selfish and jealous men ant the turmoil or party paiaien •and iinted ths way to na straw ,111:1 national righteus- ne is. The acts of no intro in public life have in en free from critichim, nor health cliars:ez,2:r smained st but fewer Of th .s3 shafts l; ire be a turned on Wa.a &islets th1:1 o otlir men who s :ea high posh\ tioaa'bf triat 'bet they cairn Rester that 1.as gath- ered aro 1 h.s :mite or dAralt from the reveratics I whic:i ha is bald by every patriotic Amorican Wo Will Pr it All Commercial Printing At This Offloe Kendall Souvenirs Picture Post Cards Photographs Silver Spoons, &c. Watch ' Repairing Leave your watch with us and we will have rcpaired and return it to you in the shortest time possible. KENDALL DRUG CO, J. H. WICKS, Mgr. THE PALM SALOON. Choice Wines Liquor and Beer onst:), Fine Line of Domestic an d: rmported Cigars en at all hours. ,cw„,„„arrek RORINSON & COMPANY, Kendall, Montana 1 THE CLUB ....SALOON.... NEWTON & LOCKWOOD, Prop, It.NDALL r • fp mmo F4 - 4‘KE1111y - MARTIN CLAUSEN, Proprietor BAKERY AND . 69. iNFECTIONERY 1 BREAD BARED EVERY I 1 FRESH L DAY e We may be entitIMI to think wale ke please; but the eterntil gods of dir• . 1 6 niesta ace . - be • ITS sit - every, tires. • a we , eib e ha s pe i stie r i cwey e f thInIdag, abotd fax litergyel work:'111 putting thine and asks ore occasion- Friend—Haw Yerg Wallah oir 6l it! Why ally when i'ni going to put in the wo. don't you getsup and read perttone Of man's part to that story ? .$) 100 ri a Class Envelopes E.:. Only $1.25